After a six-and-a-half year long run, Seattle punk rock/glam rock band the SPACE CRETINS have broken up for good, shocking friends and fans worldwide. The Space Cretins were a mainstay rock band in the Seattle area from 2004-2010 and members included Paul Diamond Blow (guitar, vocals), Danger Dayne (drums), Scotty Astronaughty (bass), and Danny Heartthrob (guitar). Past members of the band also included Markass Karkass (bass) and Otis P. Otis (guitar). The Space Cretins played constantly in the Pacific Northwest rock circuit where they were famous for their brand of Ramones-influenced, high-octane, buzzsaw guitar music, their over-the-top stage shows, and their spiritual sexuality.
The band’s break up came unexpectedly after a disastrous show July 16th at the 2-Bit Saloon in Seattle, WA. According to a witness in the crowd, the Space Cretins “seemed to be on some sort of weird vibe, could hardly play their instruments, had trouble remembering their songs, and spent more time falling off the stage than on the stage. It was highly entertaining.” After the fiasco the Space Cretins members declared that “rock’n’roll is dead and so are we”, canceled all upcoming concerts including a highly-touted tour of Japan, and broke up the band for good. The band’s troubles began two weeks prior to the gig when they had been kicked off their record label (Killing Pig Records) due to poor CD sales and also due to the fact that Paul Diamond Blow had urinated on a record company executive’s desk because he “didn’t like his tie.” The Space Cretins had also just lost their product endorsement deal with Nestle’s Strawberry Milk (TM) after Paul Diamond Blow sued the company claiming he found a human testicle in his carton of milk.
Upon hearing the news of the rock band’s break up, Space Cretins fans worldwide held candle light vigils for the band, hoping for a change of heart. However, as the band’s founder and spiritual leader Paul Diamond Blow puts it, “That ain’t gonna happen. We’ve been doing this band for over six years. A band like the Space Cretins should only exist for two to three years tops then go out in a blaze of glory. We ain’t the Rolling Stones and I don’t wanna be doing this when I’m sixty years old. Plus, I ran out of cool songs…”
The Space Cretins released two CDs on Killing Pig Records: “Rocket Roll” (2005) and “Direct From the Superfreak Highway” (2009). Both albums had been produced by Seattle legend Jack Endino. Other highlights of the band’s career included major tours of the West Coast and Texas, being featured in a book (The Band Name Book), having a video featured in a major motion picture (Blank: the Movie), producing their own program for cable television (Space Cretins TV), and being featured in a nude spread for Playgirl Magazine. The Space Cretins also had a product endorsement deal with Quisp (TM) cold cereal as they were avid eaters of the product, and in 2010 the Space Cretins received a Grammy nomination for their song “Merry Christmas, Baby.”
Since the break up, the Space Cretins ex-members have all moved on to new musical projects. Bassist Scotty Astronaughty currently plays bass for emo band QMP, Danger Dayne plays drums for psychobilly band Spiderface, and Danny Heartthrob plays the guitar for pop punk band Stilletto Kill. Paul Diamond Blow is said to be in seclusion in his Greenwood penthouse suite where he is writing poetry and working on a new solo album.
There still exists a glimmer of hope for a future Space Cretins reunion show. Paul Diamond Blow says, “We are all busy with other things now but we may do a reunion show at the 2-Bit Saloon in a year or two. We plan on all of us synchronizing and falling off the stage at the same time.”