Even at 70 years of age, the great martial arts action hero Chuck Norris is still kicking butt. He’s just doing it in the Czech Republic now. Apparently he’s been working on several Christmas-themed TV commercials for T-Mobile, set to be aired soon in the Czech Republic.
In these upcoming ads, Norris weaves a degree of comedy in with his martial arts skills – In one, he is seen delivering a high kick…only to knock over the family Christmas tree. Or maybe the Christmas tree laid down in sheer terror. This is, after all, Chuck Norris.
In celebration of the newest Chuck Norris ads, I decided it would be fun to come up with a list of the top 50 Chuck Norris facts. Here are some great Chuck Norris jokes that you might enjoy – I know they gave me a laugh.
Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts You Should Know
1. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
2. Most people have 23 sets of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72 – and they’re all venomous.
3. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up. He’s pushing the world down.
4. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
5. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
6. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only thing that can beat a Royal Flush.
7. The Great Wall of China was originally designed to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
8. Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lays potato chip.
9. Jack can be nimble. Jack can be quick. But Jack can’t dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick.
10. Chuck Norris found the needle in the haystack. And Roundhouse kicked it.
11. Guns are warned not to play with Chuck Norris.
12. Contrary to popular belief, the United States is not a democracy – it is a Chucktatorship.
13. Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
14. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
15. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
16. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take sh*t from anyone.
17. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there’s no sign of life there.
18. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
19. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured the man’s blindness. Sadly, the first, last and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
20. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.
21. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
22. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
23. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
24. Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
25. Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two.”
26. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
27. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
28. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
29. Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.
30. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
31. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
32. There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
33. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
34. Chuck Norris doesn’t worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
35. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
36. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
37. A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
38. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
39. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
40. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
41. Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
42. Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.
43. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
44. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
45. Aliens do exist. They’re just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
46. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
47. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
48. Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
49. Chuck Norris does not “style” his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
50. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
http://www.theepochtimes.com/n2/content/view/45342/ – Breaking News about Chuck Norris Commercials
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ – Some great Chuck Norris facts