Anyone who has ever broken off a serious long-term relationship can detest to the fact that moving on is often very difficult. From a guys perspective, we often think about our recent ex and compare our dates to her. This mentality does not lead to new exciting relationships, but rather puts you in a dating rut. For some, dating after a serious relationship is a good way to meet new people, but for others it is not a good idea.
You should date after a serious relationship if…
Breakup was mutual– Mutual breakups allow us to move on faster because we do not hold resentment towards our ex. We find condolence in the fact that the relationship has run its course and there was no longer a future between us and our ex. If this is the case, then go and jump into the dating pool and start a new healthy relationship.
Moved on– By moving on I don’t mean what you tell your friends and family to feel better about the breakup. By truly moving on you accept the breakup and feel no romantic emotional connection towards your ex. If you still feel the connection, it is best for time to takes its course before dating again. If you jump into the dating pool too fast, the new relationship will suffer and your new partner could have feelings of insecurity.
Meet a special someone– Sometimes after a breakup, we meet people that are looking for a casual relationship, but other times we meet someone that is truly special. Someone that will devote 100% into the new relationship can help us move on from our past. Don’t negate a new partner because you are having a tough time getting over the recent breakup. Allow yourself to go on casual dates. The worse case scenario is that you pay $20 for a date and never talk to your date again, but the potential for something better is worse the risk.
You should not date after a serious relationship if…
Emotionally hurt– If the breakup was with someone you dated for five years and shared everything with, it will be hard to move on. Someone who is emotionally hurt makes for a horrible date and the emotions make it hard to let someone new in. Take time to heal and date when you feel comfortable, not when your friends and family tell you that you should. I had this experience with someone I dated for a long time and it took almost two-years before I was ready to let someone new in my life.
You have resentment- Resentment towards your ex is natural after a non-mutual breakup. However, resentment is not an emotion that is healthy for your dating life. If you have resentment towards men or women in general then dating again should not be your next move. Take time, talk to a counselor and enjoy being single before moving on.
Still in love– Have you ever dated someone that talked about how great their ex was? I have and it made for the worse first date, which resulted in no phone call, text or communication afterwards. If you are still in love with your ex, take time to get over the relationship before dating. You may have the feeling that you need to show your ex up by the people are interested in you; however, this mentality does not work and causes negative jealousy.