So you’re having – or are thinking of having — a colonoscopy.
Time to sit back and think about some of the things you’ll be in for.
Scheduling a colonoscopy is enough to make any grownup squirm, and why not?
The thought of what’s ahead is anything but fun and games.
Chances are, following a regularly scheduled medical check-up, your doctor and you agree that the time has come (again) for a colonoscopy. A date is set and an appointment is arranged with your G-Man (your Gastroenterologist).
Your G-Man is the doctor who will take an inside look at the health of your colon. Because when it comes to proving that you have a nice, healthy colon, seeing is believing.
Part of the G-Man’s job is to help you prepare or prep for the big day. When you meet with him, he will no doubt give you prep material to read and probably a prescription to fill. And wait ’til you hear about that prescription.
Leading up to your big day, you’ll be doing a lot of thinking. But that’s nothing compared to what awaits you the day before your appointment. That’s your big day of preparation.
Prep time is unlike any other time in your life because you have to cleanse your colon of everything you can imagine that has been passing through it. Getting it nice and clean means that your G-Man can do his job and take a good, long, hard look at every foot of your colon.
So to help you prep and clean your colon out, you are told what NOT to eat (everything good and delicious) and what to eat (only certain liquids). But on top of the water, chicken broth, apple juice, sport drinks like Gatorade and Jello (but not red Jello), you have a prescription for a laxative-type product.
Maybe your prescription will be for something called Movi-Prep. Yes, Movi-Prep.
Now, if I was going to creatively name a product whose only job is to clean out your colon, naming a product that sounds like something to do with the enjoyment of watching movies would not be my first choice.
Let’s see now-if the product was filled with different kinds of cosmetics and make-up, and it could be used by leading Hollywood actors and actresses-yes, that could be called Movi-Prep!
Or perhaps you could be looking at a web site that’s dedicated to just showing terrific trailers of major motion pictures so you can decide which film you want to see or rent-yes, that, too, could be named Movi-Prep!
No, my friends. Your Movi-Prep is giant box (it takes two hands to hold it) filled with powdery white stuff that you mix together with water into a plastic liter container and try to drink 8 ounces at a time until all 64 ounces have entered your body. The taste is…indescribable…with a hint of lemon…but nothing like lemonade.
You complete your Movi-Prep regimen and faster than you can say, “Movi-Prep is not for Hollywood Starlets”, Movi-Prep goes to work, preparing your body for the big day-cleansing it out like there’s no tomorrow. Everything is going, going, gone, a runaway hit, so to speak.
Following your rough and tumble day of Movi-Prep and Poop, you arrive at the medical facility where your Gastroenterologist is waiting. Perhaps you, too, will notice that the first sign when you get off the elevator says, “Restroom.” And that was even before you even checked in.
From here on in, everything runs like clockwork. A team of happy nurses say things like “How’s your day?” “When did you last eat?” “How was your last stool?” “Who did you bring today to take you home?”
They ask you medical questions and, oh, “Please take everything off and put it all in this plastic bag–you can leave those nice argyle socks on.” They say things like “Put on this gown and leave the back open.”
Soon, a pleasant gentleman comes in and introduces himself as the anesthesiologist…your A-Man. He’s your friend because he helps put you to sleep…the sooner the better. Pleasant dreams…not.
But before you’re A-Man sends you off into dreamland, your G-Man comes in, says a few things, asks some questions, and then…
And then…it’s over. It’s really over. You probably don’t even remember a thing. You are awakened by the A-Man and the happy nurses and then the gastroenterologist returns telling you how it all went and what the next steps are… maybe even telling you when you schedule your next colonoscopy.
Later in the day or evening, you may even get a reassuring phone call from your doctor to ask how you are doing.
So you are having a colonoscopy. Good.
And good luck.