It has come to my attention that the bulk of my readership is over forty years of age, and so I want to dedicate this week’s column to helping both of you. In this article we will take a serious look at, Staying Fit After Forty (forty years, that is – I’m not talking about after forty Hershey bars or whatever).
Anyway, as we baby boomers age there are two things we need to be aware of: One, we’re getting fat and two, we’re getting senile, you know, forgetful and that sort of thing.
As we baby boomers age there are two things we need to be aware of: One, we’re getting fat and two, we’re getting senile, you know, forgetful and that sort of thing. Unfortunately, many of us have little time to do anything about these problems. Our days are crammed with job, family commitments and nappy time, allowing us little opportunity to keep body and mind sharp. The solution is to exercise body and mind in the midst of other less important activities – like work. Having said that, I want to pass on to you a few helpful hints about how you can turn boring unproductive work time into exciting healthful workout time!
Jogging in place while at your desk – or wherever – is an excellent way to get the heart rate up and produce a healthful body cleansing sweat. Don’t worry about unpleasant body odors: if you perspire heavily on a regular basis your body will eventually purge itself of the more aromatic toxins. Soon you will hardly stink at all when you sweat. Not only will you lower your blood pressure and resting heart rate, but you’ll save a bundle on deodorant. Give yourself six to nine months.
I used to work with a fellow at a telemarketing firm who did this every single day. Well, actually he didn’t jog in place. Instead he would jump up at random intervals throughout the day, and vigorously play the air guitar while executing a quintessential acid rock head thrashing, body whip-lashing gyration. This would go on for ten minutes or more at a time until his long hair sprayed perspiration around the room like a dog shaking itself free of water. At that point the manager would timidly suggest (from a position near the exit), that he sit down and start taking calls again. The guy was really slender for someone over forty – and I don’t think it was just because of the drugs.
If keeping the body in shape is important, remaining lucid is all the more so. An excellent way to maintain a keen wit is to play Mindopoly. The object of Mindopoly is to own every mind in the workplace. There are as many approaches to this game as there are people, but I’ll share with you one of my favorite strategies.
When speaking to someone, keep your eyes unwaveringly fixed on a point just in front of their left ear. Your face must remain expressionless. Occasionally turn your eyes, slowly, to meet theirs and stare at them with a slightly narrowed gaze. When they ask you what’s wrong, pause significantly and say, “nothing.” Be aware that this is just a starting point. In Mindopoly, the object is to mentally crowd the other person and keep them off balance. Be creative and go with what works best for you.
If you feel that working out at the work place isn’t your cup of Jack Daniels – er – tea, then here’s a closing suggestion to help you make exercise a part of your daily routine. Combine aerobic activity with something that you already enjoy doing. For instance, if you’re a regular participant in the karaoke nights at the local tavern, then the next time you’re on stage, execute a combination of pushups, leg thrusts and jumping jacks while belting out Kansas’ Carry On Wayward Son. If it’s near closing time no one will notice anyway