We all do stupid things from time to time. I like to keep tabs on who does what just to see where I stand in the world of stupidity. There are many well publicized stupid antics of celebrities, but I don’t count those. Stupid is as stupid does. We see family and friends do stupid things that we just can’t wait to tell other family and friends, or at least I can’t. It makes me look good. But just for a minute, let’s have a looksie at some of the little things we ourselves might do when we hope no one is looking. Come on admit it. You’ve done some of these, haven’t you?
I went to work early one morning. My contract cleaner had not yet arrived, which was very unusual. The mail was late, so I called another office to see if the driver was there. No answer. After another few minutes of fuming, I went into my office to catch up on some work. I opened the safe and found a note from my clerk saying “Hope you had a nice holiday.”
I once confiscated a pea shooter from one of the kids because he was shooting it at other kids. I explained the whole deal about shooting someone’s eye out, brought it inside, got looking at it, and shot myself in the ear.
I was putting in a contact lens early one morning. I sterilized it and placed it on my finger to insert the lens. I suddenly inhaled deeply and sneezed, losing the lens in the process. A thorough search of surrrounding territory produced no results. A second sneeze cleared up the mystery.Turns out the lens was hiding…in my left nostril.
No, I have never walked out of a ladies room with toilet paper stuck on my shoe, but I have found a few squares still connected, hanging out of my pantyhose.
After a discussion about warning labels and how silly many of them were, I plugged in my Christmas tree. Well, some of them are helpful it seems, as the ensuing meltdown verified.
Along those same lines, I’m wondering why crème rinses do not have “slippery when wet” warning labels on them. The first time I used a tip (I believe I read about here on AC) suggesting crème rinse as a shaving crème, I believe I performed more impossible contortions than an Olympic gymnast.
There also is solid reasoning behind opening a glass door before attempting to pass through it, and never trusting a fart after the age of 50.
When testing the length of a bungee cord, I found it was important to properly secure one end before stretching the cord for an estimate. Simply looping it around a cabinet door knob was not sufficient.Cabinet doors open quickly and release the bungee hook, which travels directly toward the closest face.
It is a given that you will at one point or another in your life ignore your own advice, as I have done. One such example would be the lecture I gave the kids about the importance of unplugging their TVs and computers during a thunderstorm. I explained away the scorch marks from the small fire my hair straightener caused as stains from brown eye shadow. They had me on the ropes with smoke and stench though.
I guess the most expensive stupid thing I’ve done would be trying to back out of the garage prior to opening the overhead door, but a close second would be trying to drive into the garage with a camper just a tad higher than the opening.
Stupid is as stupid does. What can be more stupid than doing these things? Thinking that anyone is actually going to believe your stupid explanation.