Never in my life have I felt such strong emotion.
How can one feel so alone, so internally entwined,
So small, sick, and to the point of physical and mental corrosion,
And so hopeful yet hopeless at the same time?
There was a time when I would laugh at the heartbroken.
Those were also the days I always told myself, “Love will one day find me.”
Sure, there were some people I liked, but since then I have been awoken.
The heart-sick I feel now is the aftermath of an internal super-nova of emotions that has finally found its way into the deepest corners of my existence.
I would see her on sparing occasions, at random places and at random times.
The flow of her hair and the grace of her step.
From afar I marvel and gaze, and from there on,
She would only conquer my mind.
When I finally had an opportunity to meet her,
I felt as if my longings would finally end.
But through all the signals, messages, and signs that were lost in the ether,
It would leave my soul and heart impossible to mend.
It might have been the soft of her skin,
Or perhaps the bright eyes that looked straight into my soul,
Or maybe it was the way she talked so sweet and soft-spoken,
Something about her burned and simmered in my heart like hot coal.
But how does she really feel for me?
I can’t tell at all.
I wish someone would just come and tell me,
But nobody seems to want to help at all.
Now she is all I think about, from yesterday through tomorrow
I haven’t eaten in days because the image of her destroys my appetite.
Within everyone I see, I see an inkling of her, and it only drowns me in sorrow.
Oh won’t someone just end this nightmare tonight?
I’m so tangled up in you.
And I wish you could see it.
But I doubt even if you could, that you would care much.
As I’m not really sure if I’ve been isolated in your mind, or if I’m just another in the throng of other broken hearts and torn-up souls you leave in your wake.
My priorities are clear, they are you.
In every second, of every hour, of every day, all I see, feel, and think is you.
And when I lay awake at night, I wonder what you’re up to, whether you’re thinking of me, and I almost convince myself, but it always ends in defeat.
It’s hard to focus on studies, family, friends, or anything else.
All I want is to know. I just want to know if there is any truth behind your actions and words,
Or if I’m absolutely wasting my time and energy.
I’m conflicted. Oh so conflicted inside. I don’t know what to do.
I am at a loss for words. I feel completely incomplete.
And I have this feeling I would never reach you,
That I will never attain another moment of serenity with you.
Emotions, doubts, and my general insecurities tear at my heart from all directions.
I try to forget, try to “get over it”, but this for now is an insurmountable mountain of unexplainable tensions.
For today, I am the captain of the sinking ship without hope.
It was my missed opportunities, my shortcomings that have lead to this.
I know I’m not alone, but that doesn’t help.
Why must our feelings and emotions be so complicated?
Why can’t my situation be as serene and picture-perfect as some others get to enjoy?
Why must I burn in the wake of desolation from the inside out?