It’s Halloween, you’re in love, and now you want to go around town scaring children and old people until either they pee in their pants, or they drop to the floor and scream, “I’ve fallen in fright and now I can’t get back up!”. I don’t know whether to be envious of your love, or totally disgusted. Regardless, I’m here to help you choose the best clever Halloween costume.
If you live in a neighborhood chockablock with staunch conservative Tea Party members, then why not dress up as the scariest monsters of them all…. Barack and Michelle Obama. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And if you’re lucky enough to have another couple to go along with, have them dress as Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden. I promise that if you follow these steps, you will give your local community a fright that they will certainly not soon forget.
Naughty Kermit and Naughty Miss Piggy
Everybody has heard of Kermit and Miss Piggy, but few have heard of their perverted twins: naughty Kermit and naughty Miss Piggy. Their hobbies include bondage, role-playing, swinging, and wild multi-species orgies. The key to pulling this off is to first purchase standard Kermit and Piggy outfits. Then you merely ‘pimp’ them out by adding chains, belts, condom wrappers, and whatever else you can imagine to bring out the sexiness!
Little Chucky and His Little Bride
There truly is nothing quite as scary as a dwarf man with a penchant for chopping off cat heads. Oh yes there is… a dwarf man with a penchant for chopping off cat heads who’s dating a dwarf woman with a penchant for chopping off dog heads. Yes, Little Chucky and his bride are the most evil and vicious entities on this dear planet. Though they aren’t as scary as the Obamas ( to conservatives, that is), they are 100-times more evil. They don’t just support ObamaCare; they secretly worship Karl Marx!!
Plumber and Toilet
Some people like to push all the boundaries, which is why I’ve included this golden one. How about wifey dress up like a plumber, and hubby dress up like a toilet? It’s unusual, yet it has the potential educate children about water and plumbing technology. Mind you, you might want to have an iPad handy to look up wikipedia answers to any questions pesky children might ask.
Ketchup and Mustard
Do you like food? I sure do too! So why not share this sentiment with the world. Ketchup and mustard are just the beginning. How about salt and pepper (and I don’t mean Salt N Peppa, HOLLA), biscuits and gravy, eggs and bacon, etc. Use your mind. Be creative. There is no limit to what you can do.
G.I. Joe and G.I. Jane
Last but not least, why not pay tribute to your country, while packing enough heat to blow a kid into the next neighborhood!