It was a very tense day. But I made history.
Sure some people land on the moon, climb Mt. Everest or win the Tour de France. Please, I would like them to accomplish what I did. Make it through a whole day without getting one spot on a white shirt. Yes, I have accomplished the impossible. I made it through an ENTIRE day with a clean WHITE shirt.
I dodged coffee stains, pen marks ( I played fair and did not wear a pocket protector), and dodged Bloody Mary drips, lipstick and make-up stains all day. Okay maybe not lipstick and make-up stains, but it could have happened.
I know, I know, I should be expecting a call from President Obama soon. I should pop open a bottle of champagne, I should pour a bucket of Gatorade on myself, I should save the shirt, frame it and put it over my trophy case. Whoops, if I only had a trophy case.
Hello? What am I thinking. A clean white shirt? After wearing it all day? Forget the trophy case. This is a feat that should be shared with all Americans. I am sure the Smithsonian will be thrilled and place it in that display case by the main entrance. Heck, it could increase visitors to the Smithsonian by at least – oh one or two a year.
Wait a minute. The Smithsonian? There is no MONEY in that. We are talking Ebay here. Listed one CLEAN white shirt, worn an ENTIRE day, with NO spots. We could be talking millions here. Okay, that might be a bit much, WE could be talking nickles here, okay probably pennies.
But where is my sense of family? I need to wrap this shirt up, preserve it, so it can be handed down from generation to generation, so my great grandson can take it to Show-N-Tell and show his first grade class the amazing white shirt, his great grandfather wore ALL day without getting a single spot on it. Then my grandson can proudly walk out of the classroom, trip , fall into a mud puddle and now the white shirt is a brown, very sticky brown shirt.
And my great grandson is SO depressed that he has destroyed a family heirloom, that his life is ruined. My great grandson cannot escape the HORRIBLE thing he has done and spends the rest of his life in and out of state hospitals. He is ruined, crushed by the shame he has brought upon the family.
Oh damn, I can’t do that to my great grandson. Excuse me but I have to go put on my white shirt and pour some coffee on it. I cannot put that terrible curse, the curse of a clean white short upon the future generation.