Ii can’t stand it anymore. It is the damn snuggies.
You know what you are really saying when you give someone a snuggie? You are saying:
• I ran out of gift ideas for you.
• I think that you are too damn lazy to wrap a blanket around yourself, so squeeze into this
• I looked and looked and couldn’t find anything uglier, so here is your snuggie.
• I think you have absolutely NO fashion sense what so ever, it is obvious you don’t get much out, you love to sit on the couch and eat fattening foods, your waistline is expanding fast than the unemployment rate, and you only leave the couch to go to the bathroom or the couch, so is here the ugliest gift we can find.
Let me put this as nicely as I can, if you are smiling while you are wearing a snuggie, you are brain dead or have not passed a mirror.
Here’s a commercial from hell for you. The guys are getting ready to leave work and they ask John if he wants to join them for a beer. And he says, ” Not tonight guys, I just want to go home and put on my snuggie.”
In the commercials they show a beautiful woman snuggling up to a man who is wrapped, wearing, layered in – oh whatever the hell you do with a snuggie – and obviously this woman is very drunk or higher than a kite, because I dare you to find one woman in America, NO the world, whose dream date is sitting next to any man wearing a snuggie.
What really worries me is that snuggies might become acceptable outwear. It could happen. You see kids wearing pajama pants everywhere, it is only one short step down the fashion ladder to see people wearing snuggies everywhere.
Forget the zombie movies. It is not that scary watching a bunch of dead people, their arms outstretched wandering around a shopping mall. What would be a REAL scary movie would be a bunch of people wandering around the shopping mall wearing snuggies. And if you do wear a snuggie to a mall, three questions arise. Do you need to wear underwear under it, where do you keep your wallet, and WHAT!!! Have you given up completely on even trying to look like a human being with some semblance of fashion sense?
And if you appear in any snuggie commercial, be it in print or on TV, you are really saying that you have pretty much given up on your acting career and are quite content to wrap a blanket around you that looks like a strait jacket, just so you can pay the rent.
They even have snuggies for kids. God – can you imagine wanting the hottest new video game for Christmas and your parents get you a SNUGGIE! There goes your chances of ever being invited to anyone’s house for a sleepover.
I can hear the phone conversation now ‘ “Hey Chris, come on over for our sleepover and bring your snuggie.” Then all you hear is laughter on the on the other end of the line and they hang up.
Get your kid a snuggie and you are basically saying, ” Kid, we are sending you down the fashion road of the damned early, we never expect you to date, let alone talk to a girl and we have pretty much given up on the idea of ever having grandkids.”
They even have Spiderman snuggies. OH MY GOD – I can see the headlines now. Web Slinger crashes and dies, his web slinger got caught in his snuggies . Please, make a snuggie with President Bush’s face on it, but don’t do it to my favorite super hero. All I can figure is that Spiderman’s agent made the deal, behind Spiderman’s back. Show up to fight the Goblin in a snuggie and you have pretty much ruined any reputation you had as a crimefighter
Gosh – the snuggies is advertised as a blanker with sleeves Last time I checked, wasn’t that called a COAT. Or a BATHROBE?
What really frosts me is that the snuggie inventor had to be the village idiot before he invented a “blanket with sleeves”, he was laughed out of business school for his dream of a “blanket with sleeves”, and he is now a multi-millionaire, because he had the high-tech concept of inventing a ” blanket with sleeves.”
And I am just waiting for the day when Victoria’s Secret start selling snuggies, I don’t even want to go down that road. A groom expects his new bride to wear something sexy for the honeymoon, and she comes out wearing a snuggie, Instead of facing 50 long years of marriage to his snuggie wearing wife, you read a story in the newspaper the next day that ends with ” and then he turned the gun on himself.”
But while I am ranting, what really makes me cry is that over 20 million snuggies have been sold at over $20 a piece.
And America’s taste in fashion crashes and burns one more time, proving that no matter how ugly it is, someone ,somewhere will buy it.