I have two cats: my complacent and rather large feline who constantly seeks attention and instantly becomes friends with anyone who pets him for more than three seconds. Then there’s my other cat – polar opposite – the epitome of raw power and carnivorous instinct. This cat is rarely seen, an unfortunate consequence for any animals that it happens to hunt.
I’m talking about my cat Houdini, who is half domestic, half wild. Anyone with a cat knows what I’m talking about. Unfortunately, as a guy, I seem to get a lot of flack about Houdini. If by some chance I mention that I have a cat, fits of laughter are sure to follow from any male within twenty feet of me.
For women, some see having a cat means that you’re most likely single. Having more than one cat automatically makes you ‘the crazy cat lady.’ With men, having a cat usually means that you’re single, depressed, a loser, or a combination of the three. Most men just can’t see cats as ‘manly.’
I will admit that I am single, but I just happen prefer cats to dogs. Why? For one, cat’s are basically potty trained. No having to take out the cat or weekly yard cleanups. Two, cats clean themselves and rarely smell. Lastly, if a woman visits a man at his place and that man owns a cat, women will rarely object to that cat sitting on their lap.
So why is a guy with a cat seen as a pariah? I think it’s because cats have been effectively feminized. Women have taken what would be a [manly] killing machine and morphed it into a cuddly, cute play thing. Unlike dogs, which come in all shapes and sizes – manly and otherwise – all cats basically look the same. Because of this, all cats are thrown into the cute and cuddly category.
For those familiar with Calvin and Hobbes, this is perfectly illustrated when Susie Derkins first sees Hobbes in jams. She exclaims, “what a cute, cuddly tiger!” This is much to the chagrin of Calvin, who thinks of Hobbes as a mindless killing machine.
Additionally, I think men are just afraid to acknowledge the manliness of cats. This is because as a man, we aren’t allowed to like, be seen, or otherwise acquainted with anything not accepted as manly. As such, I will take it upon myself to offer reasons why cats are manly.
Cats innately possess the qualities of a predator: Incredibly keen diurnal and nocturnal vision, large movable ears, sharp fangs and teeth, retractable claws, muscles built for speed and power, and a tail for balance. If “domesticated” cats were as large as their wild brethren – it would take more than man’s best friend to stop them from ripping us apart.
Cats have the same attitude as most men. Ever tried telling a cat to do something? Eighty percent of the time, a cat will not only not do anything but will also give a look that means to say ‘you’re kidding, right?’ Also, cats tend to lounge, recline, or sleep most of the day. The only time the monotony is broken is for brief periods of intense physical effort or eating.
No cat is ever seen in a purse or wearing clothes.
Although cats may never be regarded as being exceptionally manly, I urge men to remember this – whenever dating a woman with a cat, be thankful the cat is letting you cut into its time with its master instead of ripping you limb from limb, as it is naturally wont to do.