The minister sits down to write his holiday sermon.
Minister writing: Yes, we are truly blessed with the Holiday season upon us. It is a time we gather with our loved ones..
Minister’s Wife: “Honey, is it okay if my brother stays with us during Christmas?”
Minister: “WHAT! That free loader, he hasn’t had a job since the Reagan administration. Lazy is his middle name. Now do you MIND – I am trying to write a sermon.”
Minister writes: Yes, it is incumbent upon us, the more fortunate to help those in need….”
Minster’s wife: “Oh honey, we just got a call from the homeless shelter and they asked for our help…”
Minister: ” The HOMELESS shelter. Hello, like I have nothing better to do than to give some drunks a slice of turkey, a heaping of cold mash potatoes and a blessing. I will give them a blessing. Get off your ass and get a job!”
Minister writing: We must remember in this Holiday season that God has given us the poor to take care of. Many times, they are dealing with circumstances beyond their control, perhaps they are afflicted by a mental problem…
Minister’s Wife: ” But honey many of the homeless need our help. They have sicknesses…”
Minister: “Sicknesses? They have eyesight problems if you ask me. They can’t see getting a job…”
Ministe Writing: And at this special time of year, we must reconcile with our loved ones. Put aside our petty differences, hug, accept our….”
Minister’s Wife: “Honey….”
Minister: “WHAT DO YOU WANT! I AM TRYING TO WRITE A DAMN SERMON HERE…”
Minister’s Wife: “Honey, I am so sorry, but your brother called and wanted to come over…”
Minister: ” My brother. That bastard. I have not talked to him for a year and if I am lucky, I can avoid him for another ten…”
Minister writing: Yes, the holiday season is time to embrace our loved ones, help those less fortunate than us, cast away petty differences. This season is not about how many gifts we can buy, how much money…”
Minister’s Wife: ” Honey, I am going to write a check for the orphans’ fund…”
Minister: “Orphans? Hell they wouldn’t be orphans if their mothers weren’t bunch of crack heads . And DO YOU MIND, I am at the most important part of my sermon. I have the bastards in the holiday spirit, now I am going hit them up BIG TIME for that new roof our church needs…”
Minister writing: And for those of us, who are fortunate this holiday season, to have jobs in the midst of a depression, it is time for us to share the holiday spirit and put money in the collection place….
Minister’s Wife: “honey…?”
Minister’s Wife: ” oh never mind…”
Minister writing sermon: And it is the time of year to count our blessings. Not our material blessings, but special blessings, like our loving wives….