We had arrived at the airport on time. In fact, my wife and I were two hours ahead of schedule. Finding our terminal was the hardest part, as we had gotten the E-tickets for our flight in advance. A quick tip: don’t arrive at the airport two hours early for your flight. You will be bombarded by the writhing mass of marketeers set to barter for your last penny. No, you don’t need to buy a 500 page Stephen King novel for your two hour flight. You will have your eyes closed during the ascent and descent, carefully scanning the plane for terrorists once up, and eating your salted peanuts in the remaining five minutes.
After our lengthy wait, we were finally able to board. Well, we had to let six or seven groups board first, but who is counting? The second hardest part of a flight is finding the correct seat. The airline we chose had tiny little letters and numbers on the seats; they were not even gold plated or outlined for us to see. We sat down three times before reaching our actual seats.
The comfortable feeling that washed over us was erased when an semi-morbidly obese character squeezed his large rump next to my wife. I had the window seat, so only the smell bothered me. I believe he passed a windstorm as he sat down. Why must airplanes still continue to have three seats on each side of the plane? Who travels with two other people? The typical family is two parents, a son and a daughter. Are we supposed to let Johnny go meander around the cockpit while we are bomb-sniffing passenger’s feet?
We waited another hour after everyone boarded and the plane was checked over for safety. I believe we moved several times, but I can not be sure. Sometimes, it appears the ground is moving when you are sitting by a window. Finally, we heard a voice over the intercom informing us that we were set to go. While we were listening, the voice abruptly stopped and the intercom crackled like it was dropped into a bucket of water. Again we waited.
Another five minutes passed, and we were then told the plane was unable to fly, service work had to be performed. Everyone must depart the plane and chug on over to their sister machine halfway across the airport. The amount of grumbling and curses we heard rivaled that of the sideline of a peewee soccer game. The large man sitting next to us had slight difficulty rising to his feet, so he reached above him and grabbed the luggage compartment to help pull up his weight. Unfortunately, the compartment was upset with the changes, as well, and the spring lock popped open in perfect synchronization with the man’s final attempt at standing. I would say I didn’t laugh, but then you would ask my wife.
We finally made it across the airport to the other plane, boarded, and resumed our initial flight plans. We had a perfect flight, arrived at our destination safely, and can not wait to fly again. My only suggestion to the airline for next time would be to make sure the flight changes are recorded properly in the airline system. The family waiting for us at our destination never saw us or our plane arrive. They did, however, see a rather large man with a black eye stumbling through the terminal.