So how does Cat stack up against other Housewives that don’t know when to keep their traps shut? Jeana on “The Real Housewives of Orange County” could always be counted on for inappropriate zingers. Half the gals on “The Real Housewives of New York City” excel at flinging slings and arrows, if for no other reason than they can (Countess LuAnn and Ramona, I’m looking at you). Desperate Danielle on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” is in a class by herself, if only because she manages to mangle the English language at every turn. I think Cat and Ramona might have been separated at birth.
We saw very little of that other tell-it-like-it-is Housewife, Lynda. Mostly, she cooked while her kids and her boyfriend drooled all over her culinary offerings. And Lynda decided that even though not all of her kids live with her, she owes them a yard, so she’s leaving her condo behind and moving to a house. I think she’s got that one backwards. In other domestic matters, Stacie gathered with her sorors (sorority sisters) and dropped the bombshell that her birth mother is White, while her birth father is Nigerian. Everyone got emotional as Stacie revealed her mother is fine having a relationship with her, so long as no one else knows about it. Stacie’s sorors encouraged her to come up with a plan for tracking down her birth father, who is unaware about her existence.
Mary shows up at the opening of celebrity hair stylist, Ted Gibson’s salon. She is irked when she arrives at the salon to get ready and sees Ted all hugged up on Michaele. Mary subtly reminds Ted which side his bread is buttered on and he demurs that while there is plenty of him to go around, Mary is indeed his favorite. Lynda and Michaele trade “I love you’s” and Lynda said she’s all about putting bad energy behind her. Mary continues to give Michaele the evil eye from across the room and believes the Salahis use their wine as a “bartering system” for getting invited to D.C’s hottest bashes. Mary, the arbiter of D.C. etiquette, tells Cat they’re social climbers and believes they lack integrity.
Speaking of wine, Michaele rings up the Housewives and invites them to her and Tareq’s vineyard for a good old-fashioned grape stomp. Lynda declines, crying that her son has a football game, but in her confessional, claims because Michaele hasn’t been a good friend to her, she won’t be gracing this particular get-together with her presence. The other Housewives are curious to see what this vineyard is all about, since none of them have actually laid eyes on it.
Before grape stomping can commence, Mary takes Cat furniture shopping with her as she embarks on a redecorating scheme for her house which will be black, white and modern all over. As usual, Cat ventures a snarky opinion on everything, which rankles Mary. Ted Gibson’s husband, Jason, tags along and drops a bitchy comment or two before filling the girls in on a chapter from “Party Crashing 101 with the Salahis.” The Salahis invited the couple to the Congressional Black Caucus Dinner and it turns out they didn’t really have tickets and spent a chunk of the evening cruising tables to see who hadn’t shown up to claim their seats – so that they could. The Secret Service caught on and threw the Salahis out, but not far enough, because they slithered into the VIP room instead. Cat and Mary are horrified and Cat labels them “brazen.” Mary is baffled about how they keep showing up places. Oh, but Mary – as we know, it’s only going to get worse.
It’s grape stomp day and Michaele and Tareq ready the vineyard for their guests. Tareq’s mother sued to have her son banned from the vineyard, so after years of litigation, this is the first time he’s been allowed back on the premises. The Salahis are all kinds of nervous as a reporter shows up for some scoop. They press their security detail into service and call the impending caravan to warn them about what’s going on. When Ted Gibson’s husband repeats the Congressional Black Caucus story, jaws start dropping. Stacie’s starting to catch on to Cat’s assessment that “nothing adds up about the Salahis.”
Cat can’t contain her irritation over the security detail, the fact they’re “in the middle of Virginia” (mini drinking game) and Tareq’s controlling nature. She refuses to get in the vat to stomp the grapes – which are not from the vineyard, but the supermarket, a fact also noticed by Mary. One of the vineyard staff calls Cat “bitchy,” which shocks the assembled guests, but no one rushes to Cat’s defense. Cat can take no more and when Ted Gibson’s husband leaves for an aforementioned event, she hitches her wagon to his escape pod. No one sheds a tear at her exit.
Over dinner, they all chat about Cat and Michaele wants to know how the ride up to the vineyard was. The Black Caucus dinner incident comes up and the Salahis explain it away as a misunderstanding. Stacie’s husband, Jason, starts making fun of them for being the only White people in a room full of Black people, while Mary stays silent, claiming she doesn’t like to talk about people. Talk turns to Lynda’s assertion that Michaele has an eating disorder and Mary takes the opportunity to confront Michaele about a comment made about her supposedly loose lips. Then comes a quibble with Stacie about a comment Lynda made during Mary’s party for Ted Gibson about not wanting to be seated next to Michaele and whether or not Mary was in earshot of said quibble. While she didn’t participate, apparently Stacie thought it was enough Mary overheard it. Seriously, Stacie? Tareq then decides he’s got to knock Mary down a peg.
Next week, Tareq takes aim at Mary, Michaele gets political and Cat plays dress-up.