An unsubstantiated rumor circulating on the Internet is that Faberge, the maker of the rare and precious Faberge eggs which now makes fine jewelry, will be issuing a special spider themed brooch. Those who have seen the brooch call it the “Mona Lisa of brooches”.
However, Faberge has denied that they have gotten into the arachnid jewelry market. Nonetheless, as many eye witness accounts of a fabulous Faberge spider themed brooch have appeared on the Internet, many now believe that this special item of jewelry is only given to certain customers and that it may cost upwards of $50,000. The top 10 things that you must do to get a Faberge spider brooch are listed below.
1. First, you must put your name on a secret waiting list for the brooch which is hidden in the manager’s office of the Red Square McDonald’s in Moscow. Supposedly, every month somebody from Faberge makes a xerox copy of this list.
2. Secondly, you must start a webpage which displays your love both for spiders and for everything made by the Faberge company. Faberge wants to make sure that only true fans of their jewelry obtain possession of the rare spider brooch, of which only two dozen have been made.
3. You must send a check for $50,000 to the Faberge jewelry company headquarters in London. If you are not ultimately selected for ownership of the brooch, your check will be returned to you, uncashed, inside of a souvenir Faberge purple pumpkin made out of amethyst crystals.
4. Only royalty are allowed to buy any of the Faberge jewelry products, therefore you must be someone such as a member of the British royalty. However, it is also acceptable to buy the title of “Duke or Dutchess” from Queen Elizabeth for $250,000 for the purpose of buying the spider brooch. You can then obtain an 85% refund on the royal title if you return it within three months of purchase.
5. If you are selected to have your name placed on the final waiting list for the brooch, then you must anonymously meet a representative of the Faberge company in Gorky Park in Moscow at midnight. He will quiz you on your knowledge of the Faberge company.
6. Once you make it off the spider brooch waiting list you then must complete a Faberge spider brooch scavenger hunt which involves looking for spiders, real and manufactured, in a number of different locals such as in the Amazon jungle and in amusement parks. It is expected that many people will not be able to complete the scavenger hunt due to the time and costs involved.
7. The secretive owner of the Faberge jewelry company often surveils the homes of potential customers, and if they don’t meet his expectations, they will be mysteriously removed from the list of potential spider brooch customers.
8. A genetic test is then performed on potential buyers of the instant family heirloom; vampires, those infected with Zombie Virus Type A, and living descendants of Adolf Hitler are removed from consideration.
9. Next you are given a faux Faberge spider brooch and asked to walk down a catwalk in front of some of Europe’s top fashion show judges. If you are found to be fashion-compatible with the brooch, then you move on to the next elimination round.
10. The final 20 to 30 potential spider brooch owners are sequestered inside of a 120 room mansion where they will compete on a reality show called “Owner of the Brooch” to determine who is worthy enough to wear the brooch. Whoever emerges from the mansion alive is declared the winner by Tim Burton.
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