As Halloween approaches, many Americans are no doubt wondering how much they should spend on their Halloween costumes and who they should go as this year. As the great recession has dampened every sector of the economy, many people are no doubt trying to figure out how they can make a low-cost, yet creative, Halloween costume. However, there are probably a couple thousand Americans don’t need a costume and could go as themselves due to either notoriety or their criminal past. But are you one of these Americans?
The top 10 signs that you don’t need a Halloween costume are listed below.
1. If your name is frequently mentioned in the press along with the term “serial killer”, then you probably don’t need to buy a Halloween costume, save 40 bucks and go as yourself.
2. If the mere sound of your voice, or your face, is able to make infants cry (like Rush Limbaugh can reportedly do to children on occasion), then you probably don’t need a Halloween costume.
3. If you have recently been infected by Zombie Virus Type A, or have been bitten by a zombie, wait 24 hours and you will realize that you don’t need a Halloween costume.
4. If your name is Sarah Palin, and you are a prominent spokeswoman for the Tea Party, then you don’t need to buy a Halloween costume this year.
5. Are you a registered sex offender? Simply paste a document which has your picture on it and identifies you as a sex offender on a plain white T-shirt, and other than this, you don’t need a Halloween costume.
6. Are you an executive who works for BP? Then you probably don’t need to buy a Halloween costume. Simply wear your BP hardhat and BP employee identification card to any Halloween party, in lieu of buying a Halloween costume.
7. Are you a member of the Tea Party? Simply wear your Tea Party regalia and forgo the traditional Halloween costume this fall as you will become the center of attention at any Halloween party.
8. Are you a former extremely popular US President who has been branded as a communist, and/or are being attacked by your own political party? If so, and if you are Trick-or-Treating in the deep South than you don’t need to wear a Halloween costume this year.
9. Are you a former governor of a Midwestern state who is currently being investigated for trying to sell a Senate seat, and who’s name ends in Blagojevich? If you are, then you probably don’t need to wear a Halloween costume this year.
10. Are you an incumbent democratic member of congress who is being blamed for everything from the failed economic stimulus to the end of healthcare as we know it? If so, you probably won’t need a Halloween costume this year.
For the Top 10 surprises in Pres. Obama’s Labor Day speech click here.
My own personal hunches, information given to me by shady characters in dark parking garages and based upon a personal interview with Bigfoot. is