As the Great Recession wears on, Pres. Obama recently asked his team of economic advisers to figure out ways to stimulate the economy. While there isn’t much talk of a second economic stimulus, the White House is trying to figure out ways to help stimulate economic recovery on Main Street, rather than just making sure that just the big corporations survive the economic meltdown. A lot of different ideas were generated at the meeting, and apparently no firm plan has been put in place yet. The top 10 ways to revive the ailing economy suggested by Pres. Obama’s advisors are listed below.
1. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs suggested that $20 coupons for coffee at Starbucks be randomly mailed out people across the country. He cited studies showing that people who consume caffeine are most likely to go on spending sprees.
2. Vice President Joe Biden suggested that Uncle Sam pay people to help clean and wax Amtrak trains, and he suggested that a team of a dozen unemployed Americans be hired to help him find the secret bunker that Cheney built somewhere underneath the vice president’s official residence.
3. Michelle Obama has suggested that Americans plant vegetable gardens this month so that the nation has enough pumpkins for the end of October Halloween celebrations. She also commented on the use of roasted pumpkin seeds as a healthy alternative to potato chips.
4. It was suggested that to get people to start buying things again IRS tax collectors should go around to tax payer addresses at random and demand that people buy something new or else they would face a potential audit.
5. VP Joe Biden also suggested opening a new theme park called, “Bidenland”, which would feature a number of attractions and shows which highlights important events in his life including the 2008 presidential election. Pres. Obama vetoed this idea as Nancy closely is already constructing Pelosiland in Northern California.
6. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, apparently as a joke, suggested that the president write him another check for “$700 billion”. This made everybody at the table laugh hysterically except for Joe Biden who thought it was a good idea.
7. Malia Obama suggested that the banks begin making loans to small businesses, the government saves foreclosed properties and that the fat cats on Wall Street be forced to accept stiff financial regulations. Treasury Secretary Geithner said that that was a good idea and he wished that he had thought of it before the meeting.
8. “Bo” The White House dog suggested that Americans spend one day out of the week pampering and spending quality time with their pets. Then he presented several graphs which showed that the pet care business is one sector of the economy that is expected to grow over the next decade.
9. The Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Janet Nepolitano, suggested that Illegal immigrants who sneak into the United States could be offered a deal where they pay a special one-time fee of $5000 to become an American citizen.
10. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton suggested that to raise money the State Department could begin selling special edition ” Hillary Clinton Secretary of State” dolls for $10,000 a piece to foreign businessmen and leaders. She even brought a demonstration doll to the meeting. President Obama was intrigued but was afraid that the doll would scare small children.
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