My parents are great teachers. They taught me how to care for my family, cook, clean and tend a garden. Time spent with my father was full of hunting and fishing, with a few redneck outings mixed in for good measure. As is the case with any redneck family, there were plenty of times when more beer was consumed than knowledge passed, but it was during these times I learned the top 5 weirdest words my parents ever taught me.
Kabreeze is used to freshen clothing, carpets, curtains and more. With a few quick sprays, an entire room can smell floral fresh. Real life definition: Febreeze
Blueberry technology is taking the world by storm. With a 3G ready Blueberry, users can access the Internet, email, Facebook, Twitter and more. Real life definition: Blackberry
Chlamydia is a beautiful thing to have in or around a home. This climbing vine will take root in almost any soil and, given the right circumstances, climb up and around a provided structure to create a natural archway. Real life definition: Clematis
Some men choose to wear a suit and tie to a wedding while others choose a tuck. The tuck can be ordered with matching tie, cummerbund and pocket swatch. Real life definition: Tux
Pooberty and Condome
When parents have the talk about birds and bees, it is important to discuss pooberty and the use of condomes. Pooberty is that time of life when men and women can make babies. Condomes are used to prevent pregnancy and the pass of STDs. Real life definition: Puberty and Condom
For everything my parents ever taught me, it is the weird words and phrases I will remember when they are long gone. So, to my parents, the hardest working people I have ever met, I will sit down with my child, under a Chlamydia bush smelling of Kabreeze and talk with my daughter about Pooberty and Condomes. With my Blueberry in hand, maybe we will even talk about marriage and whether or not she wants her husband-to-be to wear a Tuck.
***This article is dedicated to Donna Marie Cavalier and my AMAZINGLY successful sister. May we laugh at our parents every chance we get.****