Can too much caffeine make you go berserk? An increasing number of criminal defendants are arguing that their heavy caffeine use incapacitated their capacity to think rationally and lead them to commit crimes. Will this “coffee pot defense” work in court? Possibly, however, many medical experts consider caffeine to be only a soft “gateway drug” which can occasionally lead people to drink tea and go to Tea Party rallies. Ten examples of caffeine induced insanity are listed below.
1. A man who drunk 3 gallons of diet Dr. Pepper at the San Diego Zoo over a period of half an hour leaped into the Rhino pen out of a desire to have a “half Rhino-half human” child with one of the animals. He was removed from the pen and charged with indecent exposure to a zoo animal.
2. A woman who worked in a high powered job at a investment bank in Manhattan drunk one too many Mochachinos and tried to place an order for “100 trillion” shares of AT&T stock during a caffeine high.
3. Animals are susceptible to caffeine highs as well, a dog who’s owner who routinely filled his dog bowl with Pepsi chased cars around on I-95 for two hours, sometimes running at speed in excess of 60 mph. Highway patrol eventually cornered the dog who looked “spaced out” on the Coke.
4. A man high on the caffeinated drink Red Bull rescued a cat who had climbed to the top of a 47 foot high voltage tower in Florida. Though he safely rescued the cat without danger to himself, the man said that he wouldn’t have attempted the rescue if he hadn’t consumed over 34 Red Bulls that day.
5. Al Gore, the former vice president who was often characterized for his “wooden” demeanor in public, said that he never would have run for president had he not spent 12 hours talking with Tipper about his future political plans in a StarBucks coffee shop in New York where he consumed over 12 cappuccinos.
6. Avatar director James Cameron claims that he came up with the idea, of a blue skinned race of tall beings who communicate with a mystical planet called Pandora via connections to their nervous system, after drinking four liters of Mountain Dew while on transatlantic flight to Norway two decades ago.
7. Comedian Will Ferrel drank two Big Gulp sized coffees each day during the filming of his commercial failure, “Land of the Lost”, and claimed that the caffeine overload “killed his funny bone” during the shoot, though he did try to eat a banana without taking the peel off.
8. North Korean dictator Kim Jung-Il is reportedly a caffeine junkie and drinks over 5 gallons of Coke which has been blended with pure Russian caffeine extract, which makes the soda approximately 52 times more caffeinated than normal. Close advisors to the North Korean strongman claim that his use of “pharmacologic doses of caffeine” has modestly impaired his ability to run North Korea into the ground.
9. The every happy Ronald McDonald once drank three pots of coffee and drove for 37 hours straight as he tried to, “visit every McDonald’s in the United States”, before he was pulled over by police for speeding.
10. In the summer of 2010, after drinking 6 gallons of heavily caffeinated ice tea, Vice President Joe Biden emerged from the vice presidential residence and announced that he had seen his shadow, and therefore the economic recession was over. He also made vague statements about a secret moon base which was being built to communicate with aliens on Mars. The White House later retracted the vice president’s statement and said that he often becomes delirious after drinking pitchers of caffeinated iced tea.
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