A secret research team within NASA, called the “DARPA” project, plans on eventually sending humans out of the solar system into deep space to colonize other planets. For any would-be space colonists there is one hitch: the trip is one way. Listed below are ten people who have volunteered to boldly go where no one has gone before.
1. Joe Biden. Currently serving as the United States’s vice president, Biden apparently is wracked with guilt about the upcoming midterm elections-and his many slip-ups and gaffes which may cost democratic candidates dearly.
2. Rick Sanchez. Ousted CNN reporter, who made antisemitic comments about Jews running the media, wants to start over fresh by telling the news on another planet.
3. Dozens of unnamed people in the witness protection program.
4. Al Gore, as he believes that the earth is going to be a piece of burnt toast in a couple years.
5. Conan O’Brian, who has been promised a Late Night Talk Show on Mars.
6. Former democratic senatorial candidate from Massachusetts, Martha Coakley, who decided to take a vacation from campaigning while republican Scott Brown won a stealth victory which probably destroyed democrats’ supermajority in the Senate for probably the next ten years.
7. Several Gitmo detainees have been “volunteered” to go on the mission without their permission.
8. Prince Charles has been ordered by parliament to give serious consideration to living on another planet.
9. Oscar the Grouch who recently lost his spot on Sesame Street due to an ongoing feud with Bert and Ernie has volunteered to go to a planet that is “Big Bird Free.”
10. Brad Pitt, and Angelina Jolie, in an effort to escape the paparazzi have reportedly also bought two one-way tickets to Alpha Centari.
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