President Clinton, speaking like a Yoda-like embodiment of wisdom warning Luke Skywalker of the powers of the dark side, eerily warned the democrats in grave tones not to underestimate the Tea Party. The former president attacked the Tea Party, which he believes is made up of right-wing extremists who want to hobble Uncle Sam’s power. But could there be a darker meaning behind Bill’s message? Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell recently admitted that she has “dabbled” in witchcraft. Ten signs that the Tea Party uses Black Magic are listed below.
1. Sarah Palin “enchanted” a pair of regular reading glasses should that she could see all the way to Russia from her house in Alaska.
2. While many people didn’t realize it at the time, Glenn Beck during his rally made several references to a dark wizard named Klaus Pumpernickle who promised Beck that he would make him Secretary of State when he is elected president and assumes his dark throne.
3. The “tea” that the Tea Party serves at their rallies is really made of a special witches’ brew which turn democrats into little Leprechauns if they drink it, and tastes like butter beer to true blue Tea Party members.
4. A police raid on the tea party national headquarters in New York city discovered dozens of “voodoo dolls” which resemble Democratic Party leaders such as Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton. Fortunately, the dolls were recovered before any pins were stuck into them.
5. Initiation into the Tea Party requires a person to drink a special potion from a cup that is made out of a raccoon skull, and they must make a pledge to honor the values and rules of the “Warriors and Witches of the Dark Side of the Moon.”
6. Many Tea Party organizations and movements across the United States have tried to get a law passed where all elections are held on a fall day after a full moon. This is because most people in the Tea Party believe that a full moon helps bring witches and wizards to the voting polls the next day.
7. Though Fox news says that there are an “independent news organization”, rumors swirl about Tea Party involvement. In fact, many black magic organizations such as the, “National Organization of Wizards and Witches”, and the Association of Politicians for the Use of Black Magic, often give large financial donations and shrunken heads to Fox News.
8. Many Tea Partiers believe that George Washington founded America based upon the principles of “Black Magic”, which means that witches and wizards who are powerful enough should try to shrink federal government down to the size of a apple if they can.
9. The National Tea Party political handbook contains several spells for getting rid of hexes and for placing a curse on political figures. For the past two weeks Joe Biden has only been able to walk backwards, and he blames his condition on “messed up Tea Party witches” that spiked his drink with something hideous during a recent trip to Mexico.
10. Hillary Clinton often talks about the, “mystical and dark magic like power of the left-wing conspiracy.” She says that sleeping inside a circle of salt has protected her from their evil ways.
For the Top Ten Reasons Why Jimmy Carter May Not Be the Greatest Ex-President Ever click here.
Clinton to Democrats: Don’t underestimate the Tea Party
Posted: September 21st, 2010 03:30 PM ET