Al Qaeda leader, and 9/11 mastermind, Osama bin Laden recently released an audio recording in which he asked that more aid be given to Pakistan due to flooding caused by global warming. American commentators were also surprised as bin Laden described the need for a new relief agency to help farmers in Sudan. Could bin Laden be running for political office in the future? Ten other surprises in the recording are listed below areas
1. Bin Laden is concerned that without a massive makeover, the television show, “America’s Got Talent”, will eventually be canceled. He has complained on several occasions about the show’s lack of “taste” and has offered to appear on the show to perform a special act which involves juggling knives while riding a polar bear upside down.
2. Showing that he is up to date on current events, bin Laden praised the Tea Party as he believes that they intend to level Congress to the ground and, “start over from scratch.”
3. Bin Laden revealed that he is probably the only person on earth who isn’t happy that Betty White’s career has taken off again as he believes that her sitcom, “Golden Girls’, spread satanic values.
4. CIA digital voice analysis technicians have said that if the tapes are played in reverse you can hear bin Laden saying, “I am the walrus man living in my cave near here.”
5. Bin Laden voiced support for a new hybrid vehicle technology which combines diesel, photovoltaic cells, and lithium-carbon nanotube batteries as he described the workings of the car and added, “I’ve bought stock.”
6. Surprisingly, bin Laden promised to release photos of his trip to Disney World last fall on the internet in a couple weeks.
7. To annoy the FBI, CIA, NSA and the White House, Bin Laden announced that he had published on his website KFC’s secret blend of herbs and spices which makes heart clogging fried chicken as addictive as cigarettes.
8. bin Laden revealed that he was born under the name Samuel Robert McGillicutty in Detroit Michigan over four decades ago, and furthermore, that he is the famous and as yet unapprehended knife wielding serial killer known to the world only as “Stabby McGillicutty”.
9. Whispering in a low voice to the microphone after some closes a door at the end of the tape, bin Laden said, “Help me! I’m being held hostage in Philadelphia!”
10. bin Laden made public his support for the war in Afghanistan, as long as the United States didn’t bomb his new combination mountain hideaway and Taco Bell, which he gave precise GPS coordinates for at the end of the message.
For the Top Ten Threats Used to Make People Vote click here.