Due to the possibility of salmonella contamination approximately 500 million eggs have been recalled in the United States over the past couple weeks. Although anyone can potentially die from salmonella poisoning, young children and infants and elderly people are especially at risk and should not eat raw or recalled eggs. However, what should the FDA do with the approximately one half billion eggs which have been deposited inside a gigantic air conditioned hanger in Nevada? Ten possibilities are listed below.
1. The world’s largest inedible omelet could be made from the eggs in order to get Uncle Sam an entry in the Guinness book of world records.
2. The eggs could be used to make an enormous quantity of tempera, which is a type of paint made with eggs and was used by Leonardo Da Vinci to paint The Last Supper. The paint could be used to create the world’s largest temporary mural on the Washington monument.
3. The eggs could be processed into food for the oil eating bacteria currently cleaning up the BP Gulf oil spill to give them something different to eat for a change.
4. The eggs could be transported to the border between South and North Korea and let to rot so that the fumes would hopefully prevent an invasion by the North Korean army.
5. The eggs could be boiled and used in a novelty tennis tournament, or for the world’s biggest food fight.
6. An architect in Miami Florida has offered to buy the eggs in order to make a new age house by dipping the eggs in plastic resin and then using them to build walls.
7. NASA said it could impregnate the eggs with a space age plastic and shoot them at a meteorite expected to hit earth in 2012. If the eggs sufficiently deflect the meteorite it could save all life on earth.
8. Geologists have calculated that if all of the eggs are fried and poured into the San Andreas Fault, it could save California from a devastating earthquake as fried eggs are actually the most resilient shock absorber known to mankind.
9. Tea Party activists had hoped to buy the eggs to throw at democratic candidates during the midterm elections, but government officials have promised that they won’t be sold for this purpose.
10. Prince Charles made an offer to buy a couple hundred million of the eggs to be used as horse feed on his organic farm outside of London, however, the deal was canceled by the British health department out of the fear that the horses would get salmonella.
For the top ten secret activities undertaken by Jimmy Carter click here.