Recently, the late night comedy show Saturday Night Live poked fun at Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell, who continues to deny that she is a witch although she has in the past considered practicing paganism and Black Magic. Funny this may be, political nonfiction writer Bob Woodward is working on a serious book about the Tea Party and interviewed Ms. O’Donnell at her home. Apparently while the long shot candidate for Delaware’s Senate seat was in the bathroom, he discovered a “witch’s spell book” written by O’Donnell and hidden underneath a cushion in her couch. Woodward quickly photographed several pages of the spell book, listed below are the top ten rumored spells believed to be contained within it.
1. The ” Tea Party Zombification Spell.” This spell, when performed on midnight on Halloween, is capable of converting millions of otherwise normal Americans into passionate supporters of the Tea Party. Which begs the question, is the Tea Party nothing more than the creation of Black Magic?
2. The ” Lost Sock Localization Spell.” This spell allows a person to locate a lone sock’s other half of the orange, and requires the spell caster to make a bonnet out of cat hairs. This spell was located under the “Practical Magic” section of O’Donnell’s spell book.
3. The “Messaging Spell.” This spell uses ravens and a witch’s brew to allow witches to send messages up to 140 characters long to other witches, warlocks, wizards and goblins. Most modern witches however said that they made the switch to Twitter and email years ago.
4. The “Global Cooling Spell.” Supposedly, O’Donnell believes that this spell can be used to save the world from global warming without forcing Americans to sell oversized gas-aholic SUVs.
5. The ” lint repellent spell”, is another example of practical magic and can be used to keep lint out of the belly button and clothing free of lint. Insiders say should O’Donnell lose the Senate race in Delaware, she may try to sell this spell on the Witches’ Home Network.
6. The “Flying Spell.” This spell allows a person to fly around her neighborhood for 30 minutes before slowly wearing off. Supposedly O’Donnell used this spell on numerous occasions to spy on her ex-husband, which lead the courts in Delaware to file an unusual restraining order against her such that she can not use the spell within 10 miles of her ex’s home.
7. The “Lipstick on a Pig Spell.” This spell can be used to briefly make a pig smarter than most politicians in Washington such that a pig will be able to put on lipstick and dance a jig for anybody watching.
8. The “Election Spell.” This spell can be used by a candidate who normally wouldn’t be fit for political office to create a “reality distortion field” in order to temporarily win the hearts of bewitched voters.
9. The “Spot Remover Spell.” This spell can be used to remove pretty much any stain from clothing, such as pesky cow blood stains in your witch’s robe which invariably appear after ritual animal sacrifices no matter how careful you were.
10. The “Frenemy Spell.” This spell can be used to keep your “frenemies” from interfering with your wicked plans. Reportedly, O’Donnell used the spell on Sarah Palin to try to keep her out of the political limelight while she runs her campaign.
For the Top Ten Blunders Joe Biden Made in Wisconsin click here.