It is a very common situation. Person A comes over to Person B and asks, “How many children are you going to have?” or “When are you going to have another child?” Person B responds with, “Well, we are leaving all that up to the Lord. We have given control of our fertility and family size over to Him.” Person A quickly responds, “Oh my Goodness!! I can’t believe it! You are going to have tons of kids like, ummm, you know, that Dugger family!” Person B says, “Ha ha! That’s funny! We’ll see what happens.”
Well, this particular Person B is here to tell everyone that leaving your fertility or family size in the Lord’s control does not always mean many kids. This is my story.
My husband and I have been married for almost eight years now. We started our marriage on birth control pills, as to be expected in our society, because we feared that we would get pregnant too early. We were never completely at peace with that decision, however. We gave lip service to the idea of “giving it all” to the Lord but we were too afraid to give our fertility to Him.
About three years after getting married, after much prayer, we took the step we knew we should have done from the very beginning. We threw away the birth control pills and agreed that whatever happened happened from that point on. Inside I figured it would take at least a year to get pregnant because of how long I was on the Pill. No way! I was pregnant with our wonderful son within three months.
When our son was about eleven months old we decided to start “trying” again. Keep in mind we still weren’t on any form of birth control anyway. We just decided to be a bit more strategic, if you will. We made that decision almost four years ago. Our son remains an only child.
About a year ago, I approached my husband about seeking assistance in this area. He was hesitant but agreed. I visited my OB/GYN and we started testing. I had an ultrasound that, thankfully, came back normal. My husband was ordered to provide a semen analysis. Once that was done, more aggressive measures would be taken if needed.
My husband never got his semen analysis done. We were never at peace with it. Actually, I was never at peace with doing the ultrasound but I did it anyway because I longed for answers. The cost of fertility treatments didn’t help either.
You see, my husband and I made a decision years ago to trust the Lord completely with our fertility and how many children we are to have. We fully believe that the Lord would provide no matter what happened. As most people do, we assumed that “trusting the Lord with our fertility” meant we were preparing to have many children. Of course it would! Using no birth control is just asking for many children.
But, there was another side to that trust we never considered. It also means that to trust Him is to not seek having children either. By “seek” I mean using fertility treatments provided by a medical professional. Trusting means that we accept the fact that God may have planned for us to have just one child all along and that is okay. Would we still like more children? Of course we would but we know and rest in that God’s plan is perfect. Not ours. We have peace.
So, when you find yourself in the Person A and Person B conversation just remember that when you hear someone say, “We are just trusting the Lord in this” it doesn’t always mean tons of children. It could very well mean just one.