Halloween is the holiday that sends reality on vacation and allows fantasy to run wild. You can be whatever you’d like, and for women, this often means releasing everyday inhibitions and wearing a super sexy costume. Costume companies have taken notice of this demand for Halloween sexiness and have responded by creating sexy versions of normally unsexy things. Sometimes the results are perfect-think about all the hot cats and pirates you see at Halloween parties- but occasionally they miss the mark. Some unsexy things are going to remain unsexy no matter what you do. Here are ten examples.
1. Sexy Skunk- Skunks are kind of cute, I’ll admit. They’re like stinky black-and-white squirrels, but the “stinky” part is a major problem. Even though the Deluxe Sexy Skunk Costume is adorable and unique, that’s not going to stop the stink jokes you’ll very likely experience. I’d say that ruins the sexy appeal of the costume.
2. Sexy Baby Doll- Okay, I get the sexy school girl look. The cute outfits imply a sexy innocence with a hint of secret naughtiness. Not really my thing, but whatever. There is a point where “sexy innocence” steps into perversion, however, and I believe this outfit, which is a sexier portrayal of a little girl, crosses that line. Now, I doubt the costume’s makers will say that was their intention, but seriously, it looks like the dress Natalie Portman wore while acting as bait for the pedophile priest in V for Vendetta. Not sexy.
3. Sexy Mental Patient- The mental patient is a very common scary Halloween costume, but it’s not as often approached from a sexy perspective. There’s a reason for that; mental patient clothing just doesn’t hit the sexy mark. Sure, mental patients can be sexy, but trying to make a straightjacket sexy just seems stupid and unnecessarily trampy.
4. Sexy Nemo, the Clownfish- Poor little Nemo. He was taken from his happy underwater life with his father, forced to live in a fish tank as a pet, struggled to escape his captivity, located and reunited with his father, and after all that, you’d think he could just have his happily ever after, but no. Some Halloween costume creator had to go and sexy him up. People, he’s a cartoon fish. There’s no reason that should have inspired such a costume!
5. Sexy Watermelon- I like watermelon. If I could only eat one fruit for the rest of my life, watermelon would probably be it. That said, I’ve never looked at a watermelon and thought it would make a sexy outfit. It’s not that this watermelon costume is terrible; it’s just a weird idea to try and sexualize food.
6. Sexy Spongebob- Do I really need to say more about this? Spongebob isn’t sexy; Spongebob’s not supposed to be sexy; and anyone looking at Spongebob thinking about ways to make him sexy needs to reevaluate his or her life.
7. Sexy Plumber- Yes, there’s something sexy about a handy-woman, but plumbers, like skunks, have a reputation. If you’re a pretty easy-going girl who can handle the constant joking, then by all means go as a plumber. But personally, I’d only be able to handle a limited amount of “So can I see your plumber’s crack?” requests before I knock someone in the head with my wrench.
8. Sexy Potato Head- Potato heads are fun for kids, but when you attempt to make a sexy costume out of these toys, what you get is a big creepy face on a short brown dress.
9. Sexy Pinocchio- Like poor Nemo, Pinocchio had it rough. And like Nemo, Pinocchio is now a sexy costume. I can understand how some Disney characters could inspire sexy costumes; most of the princesses are, let’s face it, pretty hot for cartoons. But if you’re looking at cartoon fish and wooden puppets thinking of how sexy they can be, Disney is probably not for you.
10. Sexy Shower- Showers can be pretty sexy places, but honestly, it’s not the shower that makes the sexy. It’s usually the people in the shower that brings that about, but some designer decided to make the shower the star and created a sexy shower costume. Now all we need is the sexy sink and toilet and we can call our sexy plumber over to fix them all. Yeah, or not.