Trick or treating in an urban environment has its challenges, but don’t overlook the unique rewards. Too many people pack their kids and head for the suburbs and miss out on the experience. You would think that more homes would translate into more candy, but that’s not always the case. Cultural diversity evens the playing field, and treats come in many forms.
My wife slammed on the brakes in front of the house and ran for the neighbor’s yard in a panic. The children looked on from the back seat in horror. Apparently the child size doll laid out in their driveway as a decoration looked a little too real. Halloween starts early in my neighborhood, but a September corpse in your yard is not only tasteless, but a real possibility. Don’t let resident apathy lull you into a false sense of security. Just because no one else stops, doesn’t mean it’s not real. The only death that day was my relationship with my neighbor, but I can live with that.
It doesn’t take an army guy costume to be camouflaged around here. I had to look twice at the homeless guy canvassing the block. The eye patch and odor were all too convincing. I actually have to give the guy a little credit. It may be the only day of the year when a person can beg for food without guilt or shame. That is of course until your kids hit him up for candy. Talk about an awkward moment; luckily my children are young enough that I was able to easily divert their attention. He clutched his discarded plastic grocery bag close to his chest and beat feet down the road.
Did you know that women find the Burger King to be stimulating? I would have never guessed. I don’t think a Chippendale costume would have gotten more attention. Well, maybe, but being labeled a predator at the county jail is not my idea of a treat. My body shape probably lends itself to something more along the lines of a pumpkin anyways. Besides, the witch next to me was not amused.
This year I’m stashing a shot glass in my crown. I never liked doing shooters from plastic cups. It is however an unparalleled act of kindness to hand them out to trick or treating parents. It’s not like you get one at every house, occasionally a guy will toss you a beer instead. These sorts of selfless acts can only be drawn from the well of experience. These people may have been in my shoes, but probably not the tights.
Skip the houses with caution tape across the stairs and stay close to your children. Pay attention to detail, you never know when the blood might be real. Don’t forget to check the candy for booby traps before you or your kids partake, and above all, try to be nice to the neighbors; they might have to call 911.