So I thought it would be great to see what weird inventions people invented, and managed to get patented.Remember these are all REAL products that have been patented.
1. The Gerbil Shirt. According to Totally Absurd Inventions (totallyabsurd.com), you no-longer have to leavesmall pets, such as gerbils home alone, stock up on food, or have someone come over to take care of them.You just put on this vest and your little critter can run around in the tubing of the vest. Nevermind that your gerbil never gets to see the light of day, but what happens when you accidently sit on him? Fail.
2. The Horse Diaper. Have a really old horse(and no I am not talking about your husband)? Or perhaps you have a horse that is always going? Maybe you just are getting plain tired of picking up meadow muffins? Well then you need a horse diaper. This is the hugest diaper I have ever seen! I would hate to be the one who has to wipe the horse’s patoot after he goes and makes a boomboom. There are reasons why 99% of all animals never needed diapers. Besides I don’t knowabout you but I wouldn’t be able to lift that diaper.
3, The Dad Saddle. In my opinion this is an epic fail for dads everywhere! You’re kid wants a piggy back ride, but he’s gettinga tad to big, or you’re getting a tad too old. Well now, junior can ride you like a horse! No I am not joking. The Dad Saddle is a beltdad puts around his waist —with stirrups. The stirrups evenly distribute junior’s weight….I hear the word hernia being whispered in the background here.
4. The Gas Factory. Now I’ve written articles on cow flatulence before, but alas this one takes the cake, or rather ignites it. The Gas Factory is a unit youattach to your cow…yes your COW. This contraption captures your cow’s methane because afterall 20% of all methane comes from bovine emissions.We fart freely, but apparently letting other animals fart freely is no longer allowed. This contraption can be used to convert the methane gas in to biomass that can be used as feed or and in adhesives and cosmetics. Now it’s a nice notion to recycle the gases a bovine might emit, however, eventually the governmentis going to tax this. Also where is the one for people? We are so worried about cows farting that we fail to see that people out number cows. I think we are more the problem than cows… They’d have to find a way to make this a lot smaller if they want to use this in real life. Fart Proud! Fart Free!
5. The Diaper Alarm. Call me nuts, but when the kid goes or you can lift him because he’s so dang heavy in the diaper, that means the kid has gone to the bathroom,right?Well the diaper alarm lets you and your neighbors know when junior has peed and pooped in his diaper. Wouldn’t that electrocute the kid if the pee got slightly out of the diaper? Can we use this with Horse Diaper?
6. The Baby Cage. Every parent’s dream is to cage their wild infant! Just kidding of course. I think this is sort of barbaric and an epic fail in more ways than one. Seemom’s are fond of putting their infants in their bed with them at night, which I don’t recommend. This cage goes over the baby so mom or dad doesn’t roll over on to the baby. If I were an infant, i’d beterrified of being closed in like that. Not to mention-where do the parents sleep? Most beds aren’t the side of the Hoover Dam. What if you usethis and the Diaper Alarm goes off? What if the cage gets caught on the linens and then you have baby emissions on the blanketing?
7.Butt Cleavage Pants. Yes it’s the return of the bustle, sort of; and this one is for men too. Instead of just pulling your pants down so all can see your perpetual butt crack. Howeversome people think that’s just a tad rude or uncormfortable. Instead, please put on Butt Cleavage Pants. They have a cutout in the rear so you can display your crack. Perhaps, theyshould have called these Easy Poopers! Oh and by the way crack never pays….not even if you put a quarter in.
8. Light Bulb Changer. Now I’ve heard that us Americans are lazy. This just proves that notion doesn’t it. Forget about all those light bulb jokes you were taught as a kid, becausethis inventor made an automated lightbulb changer. It has a motor and everything. Problem is you have to hold it up to the light bulb while on that ladder, and which weighs more the bulb or the contraption to screw inthe bulb? You do the math. However if we combine the Light Bulb Changer with the Dad Saddle-this way we can always know what dad’s thinking?
9. Spray-on Hair. This was a popular invention in the 80s. Hair in a can basically. You want to cover that bald spot? Just use this can of paint and spray on your hair. I still laughwhen I see the commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GeF7A05zQ8 . Of course is this weather proof hair? Can you just imagine walking down the street with your boyfriendand it starts to rain. “Honey your hair is dripping down your face.” Your wife goes to play with your hair and gets a handful of brown paint. I wonder if anyone used it for spray on body hair.Got two hairs on your chest and your wife wants more? Here spray on some chest hair! With that said Ron Pompeil made a fortune.
10. Toilet Landing Lights. I’ve saved the best for last. Don’t know where to aim? Well allow these landing lights to guide your pee into the proper place! This will also allow women to notfall into the toilet in the middle of the night. This also tells the Tidy Bowl man where to land at night. The International Space Station will also know where your toilet is should they have troublewith theirs. There are even little men who come out with flags to guide the landing. When you get off the seat does it say “We have lift off?”
You can read about these and other weird inventions at http://totallyabsurd.com/