It is common in the year 2010 to try to separate different parts of our lives, as if they are not connected. We separate marriages and parent-child relationships, work and play, relaxation and exertion. We try to delineate how much time each aspect of our lives should take, and we spend a lot of time making sure that everything is in its specific compartment. We also separate love and sex. In this age of neo-romanticism, we have determined that it is natural and healthy for the human body to have animal instincts and a satisfactory sex life. We have also determined that our romantic relationships should not only refrain from being based purely upon sex, but that they should be based solely upon intellectual and habitat cohesiveness. Are any of these ultra-modern ideas true or are they simply trend?
Why have loveless sex? This is the question which many of today’s “prudes” have been asking for years. What is the point? Can you do it and really not get hurt? Can you have a loveless sexual relationship, partnership or one night stand and walk away unscathed? What is the difference here?
Evolutionarily speaking, humans mate in order to produce offspring and the continuation of the species. However, if we are really speaking evolutionarily, then we must not leave out the end-statement of many introductory college Biology courses: the world is suffering from over-population. If we are to assume that sex has no other purpose than as feel-good reproduction, then we also have to assume that no one needs to have sex more than the required global goal of 2.1 children per family.
Well? Is this feasible or reasonable? I think we can all agree that few humans want to only have sex with their life partner once or twice within their lifetimes. This brings us to the next point: physical pleasure. Well, thanks to the industry of sex, dancing and entertainment, we now have dildos, dolls, movies, strip clubs for both genders, lubricant, and stimulants. Do we really need to take the risk of contracting sexually-transmitted disease? Is there anything else that having an actual secondary human present is supposed to accomplish? Yes.
We need each other. We, as humans, need successful relationships, companionship and acceptance within a group of peers. Few of us can handle, much less thrive, on total isolation. We must be loved and accepted. When we go to night clubs and bars and strip joints and pay for sex off the street, we are not being unreasonable. This is the only manner in which we know to get total love from someone else. No, it is not really love or non-judgmental acceptance, but it serves a very temporary need.
Loveless sex occurs when we do not have high enough quality of successful relationships in our lives, whether they are friendly or romantic or familial, or when we do not have enough of these relationships. Our spirits, identities and souls need to be fed just as much as our bodies do. If we cannot eat decent food and do not have enough money, we steal food out of a garbage can. If we cannot have sincere, productive relationships and do not have the knowledge or materials to acquire them, then we engage in loveless sex.
Whether you love having the reputation of a “player” or you simply want to understand why you cannot bring yourself to have sex outside of a loving, committed relationship, understand one thing. Our true success is not measured by how beautiful we are or how much money we have, though they are indeed indicators of success. Our true success is measured by the quality of relationships we foster and grow. Loveless sex, like food from a garbage can, does satisfy…but it is only second best.