I’m a food snoop. Every time I go to someone’s house, whether it be my best friend or my future mother-in-law’s, I immediately start scouring the counters, the fridge, and cupboards to see what type of yum-yums I can get into. You can tell a lot abut a person by their food choices, and if you are a food snooper you’re likely just looking for the types of meals you can be expecting while you’re visiting. Some people you can tell straight off will offer you a plate of cookies, and other people won’t offer you anything at all, but if you’re a food snoop, you want to know what types of goodies you’ll be getting during your stay. Food snoops are moochers who love free stuff and are not shy about asking for something to drink or a quick snack.
Some people are mail snoops. They will peruse your bills and letters on the counter, read the lists on your fridge, and be super tempted to press the flashing light on your answering machine. These are the people most likely to answer your telephone, read through your magazines on the counter, and basically have no real respect for anything that is hand-written in your house.
Medicine cabinet snoops are the most common types of snoop. They want to know what’s wrong with you, and what kinds of drugs they can get into so they can REALLY have fun at your house. Medicine cabinet snoops will also likely open your drawers and look on your shelves to see what type of lotions you use, if you use tampons or pads, and whether or not you have Q-tips. You can tell A LOT of personal info about a person via their bathroom, and the medicine cabinet is an inviting journal entry just itching to be exposed for many people.
DVD and book snoops just want to see how stupid you are. They judge your intelligence via the types of movies you watch and the books you have on your shelves. They’ll also go through your favorites in your TV guide and check out your magazines to see what you actually read and watch.
Decor snoops are obvious snoops who don’t poke around. They just look at everything, frowning and wrinkling their noses. They are looking at your color scheme, your collections to see how eccentric you are, and basically criticizing every rug, dust catcher, and painted wall in your home to judge your taste and personality.
Now the worst snoops in my opinion are the Cleanliness Snoops, the people who peek in every closed door, sniffing the air and checking for odors. These are the people who wipe out their coffee cups before they’ll drink out of them, constantly asking, “has this been washed?” and rubbing the counter top looking for dust. They ask you how fresh everything is, if something is “safe” to sit on, and if your pets are “always” in the house. They just seem to be off about everything and in a hurry to get outta there, and to be honest, you can’t wait for them to leave either.
What kind of snoop are you?