It is so important to have trust in your partner in any committed relationship. Without at least some level of trust you will make yourself sick with worry and doubt. Just the fact that your partner loves you should be enough to elicit some trust, but to have total trust in your partner will take more than love.
Yes, trust is vital in any relationship, but we cannot depend entirely upon trust. We have so many other emotional indicators at our disposal that we must be willing to utilize them all. Jealousy, doubt, insecurity, possessiveness; these are all valuable tools in our fight for survival in our relationship. The presence of a well-earned and deserved trust will make any one of these much easier to accept and to respond to.
Our emotions are instinctive and have been implanted into our being by our creator. They are not conjured up at will; they surface in times of need. We cannot fabricate jealousy or even love; there are external stimuli that trigger them. Likewise, we cannot create trust upon demand; it develops over time as the situation dictates.
Trust in any relationship will only be present if it is deserved. If things have happened that cause someone to lose trust in their partner, those things have to be corrected before the trust will return. When those things do happen we are powerless to tell our trust to remain and not to be affected. Trust, as are any of our other emotions, is instinctive and will be manifested when the situation allows it to.
To garner trust is more a manner of what a partner does not do, rather than what he or she does do. Starting out on an equal plane both partners, in any relationship, will have a nominal degree of trust for each other. This level of trust will be dependent upon each person’s background and the experiences he or she has had over the years. Negative experiences that have breached someone’s trust will affect an individual well into the next several relationships.
Trust is not specific to an individual. That is, trust is not dependent upon the actions of just your current partner. Trust is a built in emotion that travels with the holder through their entire life. What someone experiences at the hands of an uncaring partner will affect their trust in others for quite some time; things have to have time to self-repair.
When we change partners our emotions do not reset to a nominal level. They are where they were last set by past experiences. If we break off a relationship because of our partner cheating on us we probably have a low level of trust in the other sex. It is going to take time for the new partner to prove their worth and their sincerity. We have no power to simply erase the past and start all over.
Trust is an all-important ingredient to a healthy and happy relationship. But trust usually has to be earned and valued enough to make certain your actions will do nothing to jeopardize that trust. Once your trust has been broken, by anybody, it can take a great deal of effort and perseverance on the part of your mate to secure any degree of trust once more. Yes, trust is important, it is so important we need to know what it means. Let’s take a look:
“…assured reliance on the character of someone.”
“…dependence on something future.” (HOPE)
“…ability to permit to go do something without fear.”
DISTRUST: The lack or absence of trust, lack of any of the above.
ASSURED RELIANCE ON CHARACTER: According to Webster’s Dictionary, reliance itself means to “…have confidence based on experience.” And character is “…a complex of mental and ethical traits…” So this first part of the definition for trust means;
“You are confident in the mental and ethical intentions or capabilities of your mate based upon your personal experience with that person.”
If you trust someone then that must mean your experiences with this person have proven to you that you can rely on him to do what you both know is right. Based on previous incidents or situations, you can put your faith in that person; you can trust that person to do the right thing. You know things will be all right because of that person’s make-up, because of the kind of person he really is. You know he would not, even could not, purposely hurt you by doing something he knows you would not approve of. That is the kind of confidence the word “TRUST” implies. Dis-Trust would simply mean, based on your experiences with that person, you do not have that level of confidence.
DEPENDENCE ON SOMETHING FUTURE: Dependence is simply that you can count on something. You can stop worrying because that which you are dependent upon is going to take care of everything. In this case we are talking about the future of your relationship. You have no worries because you know the future of your relationship is in good hands. You know your relationship will be just fine based on how it is being handled by the one you are dependent upon, your mate. That is the kind of dependence the word “TRUST,” suggests you can enjoy. Dis-Trust would simply mean; based on your experiences with your mate you cannot be fully dependent upon him to protect the future of your relationship.
ABILITY TO PERMIT TO GO DO SOMETHING WITHOUT FEAR: Yes, this definition actually is in the dictionary. This is probably the one most definitive and familiar of them all. This is where many of our problems originate. One of the partners in a relationship wants to go somewhere or do something alone. He or she wants to be without their chosen mate for whatever activity they have chosen. The other partner has a problem with that. Either they just want to be with their mate, or they don’t want their mate to be alone or they do not want to be left alone to do nothing while their mate is entertained in some unknown manner.
This is where our lack of trust is manifested. Automatically we wonder why? We will be especially suspicious, or without trust, if there have been incidents in our past that justified our doubts and questions. This is the time and place to not force the issue of doing things alone. If your partner has a problem with you doing things by yourself then don’t do them. If you are trying to help heal your partner’s bruised emotions and are trying to instill a degree of trust, then don’t try to be alone right now. Don’t even suggest being alone. Your partner hurts and they do not want to hurt alone.
In order for your relationship to experiences the epitome of intimacy and to flourish, there will have to be a sound level of trust. In order to have trust both partners must be able to believe what their partner is telling them. To help them believe and to remove any doubts at all, don’t force any alone excursions. Do things together. Do them for one another. Spend your time together erasing any doubts of any kind. The trust will be nourished, the intimacy will grow and your relationship will be healthy.