There are some people in life that you expect to let you down. These particular people have typically set precident for this in the past and it no longer surprises you when they lie to you, cheat you, speak badly about you, or even steal from you. When this happens it hurts. Sometimes, the hurt can consume you and it takes a lot of time to heal. Eventually, we learn to cope. Then we can make decisions on whether or not those particular people can can have any sort of role in our lives. This decision can be hard if the person is someone we love such as a family member or close friend.
But, what happens when the hurts come from a place that you least expect it? Maybe we expected it from the other person but not this one. This is the person you have looked up to for a number of years. Maybe it is your parent, spouse, boss, or spiritual leader. This was your “go to” person that you can always count on when the rest of the world goes crazy. So, what happens when the “go to” person does or says something that hurts? Maybe they did something to you or someone you love. Or, maybe they were caught doing something that disappointed you because you look up to them so much. (Direct Example: Family member steals your identity, Indirect Example: Spiritual Leader busted in an affair)
How do you cope and recover? There is no simple answer to this. However, I would like to share just a few things that have helped me deal with this type of situation and move forward.
1) Understand they are human – Despite our high expectations of someone, no one is perfect. I have learned through many life experiences that it is not wise to 100% depend on someone to always keep you happy. If you have someone in your life that has never let you down and has always brought joy and sunshine, that is awesome! This is obviously someone that brings value to your life. However, when we spend a lot of time around someone, eventually something is said or done that catches us off guard. It is our human nature to fail sometimes. This is why we sometimes must apologize and take action to correct our behaviors. Remember, no one is perfect but our Creator.
2) Talk to Them – If the person respects you they will listen. Anyone that cares about how they affect others, will not want to disappoint them. For this reason, letting them know something happened to hurt you is the first step towards healing. If you approach the person in a respectful manner and they do not reciprocate that respect and hear you out then it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship and determine if the person brings any benefit value to your life.
3) Own your part in it – It is easy to point fingers at someone and place full blame on them. But, there are times where we also have part blame in a situation. An example of this can be a deal you make with a friend where you do not come through on your part, but are hurt when the friend does not deliver on their promises either. It can be hard to take ownership when we are hurt but sometimes it is necessary. If for nothing else, then to take power back from the person who is draining you of your positive energy.
Self-evaluating has helped me to cope with some of life’s disappointments. It reminds me that I need to consistently work on developing myself and focusing on the decisions I make along with the outcomes of those decisions. Often, hurt is unintentional but if something we have said or done hurts someone else it still must be acknowledged.
The last thought I will share on this is to not hold on to any hurt. After the issue has been addressed release yourself of the anxiety or sadness that may have come along with the situation. If it was you that let someone down and you have made sincere efforts to correct the situation, then forgive yourself and move on.