I have a few ideas about what is happening to the missing socks in my fiance’s sock drawer. Some are a bit far fetched, but most of them (at least in my mind) appear to be realistic assumptions about why these socks go missing in the first place.
I think my fiance can’t count, and puts on numerous socks at a time to fill out his work boots because he “swears” he is a size 10 shoe, even though his loving fiancee has shown him numerous times that he has ample wriggle room in an 8 1/2. When his socks become too hot, he takes them off randomly at work and throws them in the bushes, then shrugs when I ask him what happened to his “other” socks?
I think the dog is eating them. With me wearing the same socks for a week at a time (OK, I admit it, I hate doing laundry), I wait until my socks can stand straight up on their own before I rotate them for another pair. I think my dog is secretly munching on her crunchy sock treats, but just eating one so I don’t grow suspicious. I’m going to start inspecting her poop.
Note: what’s interesting about the above theory is my dad actually DID lose his dirty socks to his rottweiler, who would swallow my dad’s tube socks whole and then spend a half hour trying to “pass” them out in the yard, so me thinking my dog is eating them isn’t too far out there.
I think I am making them mis-matched, since I often wear one of my fiance’s socks and one of my own, and if I find a random sock on the floor it gets turned into a dog poop picker-upper, or a dish rag, a sink drain clogger, a snot rag, a dog or cat toy etc. See my article on what to do with old socks here: Many Uses for Old or Mismatched Socks . I know my stuff, heh heh…
I think someone is breaking into our house and stealing them, like my mom or my brother. My brother is always bumming something- perhaps he is sneaking my fiance’s socks and trading them for cigarettes on the street. Maybe my mom comes over and sees dirty socks and takes them home to wash them and forgets to return them? Who knows…but my suspicions are raised…
Maybe the CAT is eating them- wow- wouldn’t THAT be crazy?! Maybe she is simply lining her litter box with them so she has a cozy place to poop other than litter. Maybe she has a “sock den” somewhere to get back at us for brushing her all the time.
We could be sleepwalking in the night and raiding the sock drawer and then flushing individual socks down the toilet, moaning, “That was MY watermelon! Don’t take the blender!” in deep slumber. Hey, my brother used to claw at the TV dead asleep and scream this out, so we could be doing it with our socks. It makes sense.
I know! The socks never came in pairs to begin with- we somehow buy our socks in different individual colors of 5 socks per bag, and are driving ourselves crazy trying to figure out why none of them match when, silly us! We’re actually BUYING them that way! That’s it!
And finally, and this is a secret- I’m secretly stealing my fiance’s socks so I can stuff my bra with them. In order to achieve a natural full A-cup breast, I need a plethora of tube socks, ankle socks, and wool socks to rearrange and make my honkers look real. Since I am so flat I’m almost introverted, I need about 30 socks per boob and have to tell my fiance I don’t know where his socks went when secretly I’m in Heaven right now adding to my “fake boob” sock collection. Buahahahahahahaaaaa- He’ll NEVER know!