Does your teenager seem to yell, cuss, or just not care what your telling them half the time ? Do you lay in bed every night and wonder why he/she didn’t want to take your advice on a guy/girl or why they yelled at you when you asked them to do a simple chore like the dishes ? Let’s just put this way, do you even know your teenager ?
A lot of parents have trouble with either their teenage girl or boy, right ? But in reality do you, the parent, stop and ask yourself maybe it’s the way I’m putting things out or communicating to them…. maybe I can’t seem to reach her/him at her/him own level. Which to put out the blunt truth, half of parents now a days forget what it was like in high school. I don’t mean the stories of when you put a tack on the teachers chair or when you fell in love with your first boyfriend/girlfriend, no I mean the actually day to day living of how you felt when you were a teenager, let me explain.
I understand that everyone has different lives back when you were a teenager, there probably wasn’t all this rap and country, to you today’s Country probably isn’t Country in your mind but however it was when you were young with Johnny Cash. But don’t you remember ? When Elvis first came out or the Beetles, your parents might have disliked them because of their vulgar behavior on stage or the fact that they did drugs. But now look at music today you think its vulgar what they are talking about, the rap music you teenager can perfectly understand but you can’t and all the words you do hear is cussing. You ask them why they even bother to listen to such trash, but maybe if you stop and listen to half of the things your teenager listens to you’ll actually be surprised that it describes what they have been through or are feeling inside. Listening to what your teenager is listening to, instead of blowing it off, might actually be a great way to understand your teenager. You might have communication problems, even though you can’t understand half the words in the music, why not try to ask them on personal level what does this song mean to you ?
The way a teenager acts now a days, you swear up and down that you did not act that way. But in all reality and to be blunt once more, have you ever thought about how you really acted when you were young. Your teenager is a rebel, she or he, does exactly what they want to do when they want to do it and they could give a care less in the world on what you think ? Or do they ? Have you ever thought about why your teenager might act out in such a rebel fashion ? Depending on what they do, for say doing drugs, they might just be trying to get your attention by doing something out of bonds. The fact that they aren’t getting their mother or father’s attention could lead them to want to do more drugs until they get in trouble by the law, getting in trouble with the law or doing something bad might be away for them to tell you I’m still here and I want your attention.
Acting out in school, they probably want attention at home, and because of work or other situations, you might not have the attention to give them. I mean your trying hard to support their needs and schooling and wants, right ? Nothing wrong with that. But getting no attention at home and then having to go to school and stare at a piece of paper with writing on it and questions they have to answer, they just seem to drown in the fact that they want that attention from some adult. So easiest solution, forget homework and school, the way I can get attention from everyone else will to be interrupting the teacher when they are trying to percent a lecture that I know is important for the class. No matter what, they starve for attention from parents and if not some might decide to get it from school either by getting noticed by the teacher for acting out and getting sent to the principles office or by acting out and hitting some other teenager from frustration about the fact that they can’t get attention from any other source and mainly because the other teenager hit a big nerve of some sort and your teenager acted out. Your teenager could be thinking that she or he might be able to be the highlight of the days talk for picking on this other teenager even though they don’t get to hear what others are talking about until they return from whatever discipline they got.
But then again there are the teenagers that have a bad life at home, for some reason, not just abuse but the fact that they feel left out in their parents lives like their parents and everyone else in the world does not love them and no one ever will. It seem like every time you come home the first word that pops out of your mouth they have a responds that just tares you apart and makes you so mad that you snap back at them. But then again at school, their attitude is totally changed around, their quite and they don’t talk much at all to others. In their minds they think everyone is looking at them, they think their ugly, stupid, and everything else negative under the sun. Maybe its more because they feel like you don’t notice some of the things they do and literally don’t praise them for it enough in their minds, so if their parents don’t give them praise then nobody else wants to either.
Every teenager that acts out in any kind of way is always trying to get something from their parents, wither its their attention, their respect, or just your love and praise. Either way what does help is remembering what you were like when you were a teenager and if you come up with an answer then probably the best thing to do is ask yourself why did you act that way, try and remember, old feelings are always stored in the back of your mind somewhere especially with those memories, the bad and the good memories. So the next time you teenager comes home and appears like they give you an evil glare as they throw their book bag on the couch and walk to their room and your first reaction is to yell at them. STOP! Think for a second! How was your morning ? Did you do something wrong that might have upset them ? Is that the glare of “there is something wrong with my day mom/dad can’t you see that and come talk to me” ?
Communication is one of the things that teenagers value to have with their parents and it will always be their when they grow up and leave the house. If all you do is argue, trust me from experience, communication won’t be there when they move away, get married, and or go to college. You want communication with your teenager forever, especially when they grow older, right ? Well today, not tomorrow, whatever goes on stop and think, put yourself in your old teenager shoes (not literally) and remember why you might have done something similar too. Try to find solutions to fix their problems, what would have fixed yours when you were a teenager. Trust me, yelling at them because they come home because they have an attitude isn’t gonna help and it isn’t going to open the doors to communication either. Communication is the key, trust me.