Stephen Fry, noted comedian and writer, recently made the comment “I feel sorry for straight men. The only reason that women will have sex with them is that sex is the price they are willing to pay for a relationship with a man. Which is what they want.”
While this is not phrased as a joke, I do think it was at least part in jest. The joke is clearly at straight men, which is actually a form of return to all of the gay jokes. The article has been much contested by many women, some of whom actually have something pretty thoughtful to say.
Personally, I think that while some women do indeed have sex only for a relationship, the majority of us (yes I am female and I love sex) like sex as much or more than men do when we are with the right partner.
First example is something simple. Many men “suck” in bed. This actually makes the experience painful for the woman involved. If you have no technique or aptitude for the activity, of course your girlfriend is not going to enjoy sex. It will become a tedious chore she just wants to get over with, but she is probably too sweet to tell you that you suck.
The second example is that females have a different hormone release system then men. A man simply has to be aroused in order to enjoy sex. With women, this causes pleasure, but not nearly the same amount as the same activity with a man. However, if a woman is in love and feels safe, her body releases more hormones, which cause more pleasure. Thus, the sex-for-relationship idea, while not being entirely true, does have a valid point.
Though I do believe that Fry’s comment was mostly poking fun at straight males and does have some truth, it should not be taken seriously to the point of having less sex with your wife or girlfriend. A healthy sexual relationship is just as important as a healthy mental relationship. If you think she is not enjoying sex, ask her about it and try to work something out. Do not just stop having sex out of concern for her, as this will probably end the relationship.
Also, I believe that all women are different. Some of us may love sex, yes, but also there is the other side of the coin with women who do not like it. Frankly, it is a controversial and hard-to-answer question simply because people are different. Hardly anyone is exactly the same, we are not built the same, so how can we like the same things?
I know women who do not want to be in a relationship, yet often have sex with people they do not know. Can this be explained by anything but a love of the activity? However, I also know women who are in relationships and have about the same sex life as a nun. It depends on the person, and saying that women do not like sex is sort of like saying dogs are vicious and brutal — true depending only upon the individual.
This, in my opinion, also means that all of the pointless, heated conversations and arguments that Fry’s statement caused should be put to rest. It’s not a debate, and it is not true for everyone.
Times Of India