Survival in the workplace today means a lot more than just not dating the boss’ daughter or insulting your supervisor at the Christmas party. Workplace survival in the America of the 21st Century means protection against the lunacy of Muslim terrorists on the East Coast, Christian terrorists in the heartland or the typical American danger: the nutty lone gunman.
Begin your office survival by positioning yourself as close to the emergency exit as possible. If you can’t get close to the emergency exit, you at least don’t want to be at the opposite end of the emergency escape route. You never know where a crazed gunman or the lunatic fringe of a religion is going to erupt into violence, but you should certainly do all you can to get an office as close to escape as possible if you work somewhere when disgruntlement among employees is as common as bonuses for executives who nearly drove the business into the ground. Those of you who work under these conditions would do well to keep in mind the potential for workplace violence when given a choice of office space.
Fire is a much more likely condition for disaster than terrorists grown either abroad or from your home turf. (Keep in mind that it was Christians who were involved in the worst terrorist attack on America soil before September 11, 2001.) The fire escapes in most buildings are usually located in the parts of the building that are most strongly engineered. This could mean the central core or at the ends of hallways. Determine the strongest part of the building and you will most likely find the offices of the highest execs nearby. Try to wrangle yourself an office near these strongly build repositories of escape.
Keep your most important documents close by your cubicle or desk. In the even of an evacuation due to bomb threat, you may find you are being shuffled out with only a chance to get your immediate belongings. Fire marshalls or bomb squad officers aren’t prepared to sit around and let you take the time to flip through your file cabinet or otherwise waste time collecting those things that mean a lot. The byword is impatience and you need to be able to quickly grab those items in your office that most need to be protected from explosions or fire.
Letter bombs usually don’t arrive in envelopes. Any idiot with a driver license can buy a gun in American, but it still takes some doing to make a bomb. The letter bomber has to make sure above all else that the dang thing doesn’t blow him up when he mails it. He also needs to make sure that it doesn’t explode on the way to the intended target. For this reason, letter bombs often draw suspicion from alert members of society. What should you look for in a potential letter bomb? Look for a package that seems to have been sealed by a team of monkeys. Excessive taping and protective care is a hallmark of the amateur bomber. If you detect an odor analogous to almonds emanating from a package, call 911 immediately. An even box that has been packaged unevenly is also something to watch out for. If you notice any wires or aluminum sticking through the package, you should become suspicious.