Since I was 10 years old I have kept a journal. I decided to keep this diary to document every single instance when an “adult” made me feel inadequate or strange for having certain feelings or thoughts. I always felt ahead of my time and smarter than my mom, who I was convinced did not understand me at all. What I didn’t know then was that things that felt like the world would crash down on me, like feeling pressured to have sex, do drugs or drink were not the end of the world.
I remember feeling ugly, fat, isolated and could not stand the pressure of having to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. I look back now and I finally feel free to be who I am but if it wasn’t for the 15 year old girl I used to be I would not be the person I have come to know and love now. I reflect and I have come to love and miss that 15 year old, who took chances, laughed hard and loved to no limit. There is much to be learned by a teenage soul and we as a planet need to celebrate that, however there are a few things I wish I would have known then that I know now.
10. You Are Truly Not as Fat as You Think You Are
Millions of Beautiful teenage Girls all over America feel pressure to be as stick thin as the “super model” on the cover of vogue. When I look at pictures of my size four 15 year old self in tight jeans, I realize I wish I had that cute shape back.
9. I Really Didn’t Need Algebra
Although I did well in math class I never learned to love a good math problem. I knew I wanted to be a writer that is what I am now, math champion I do not need to be.
8. The Most Popular Girl Doesn’t End Up the Most Successful
When I was 15 I would secretly watch and envy the most popular girl in school. I wished I had her clothes, her hair and her boyfriend. The only thing I knew I did not want of hers was her stuck up attitude. Years later thanks to Facebook I got to find out just what became of that spoiled fabulous girl; let’s put it this way she definitely peaked at 15.
7. When Your HS Boyfriend Breaks Up With You It is a Blessing Not a Death
At 15 I fell in love with my High School Boyfriend, Adam. I swore that we would be married right after graduation. One day to my shock he dumped me and I was devastated. I did not eat or sleep for 2 weeks after which time I lost 20 pounds.
6. Geeks Are Cool
At 15 you wouldn’t dream of dating a “geek”. Knowing what I know now I wish I would have dated a “geek” They grow up to be the most successful, interesting people on the earth.
5. Following Your Heart is the Key to Happiness
Many “adults” back then always scared me into playing it safe. I have come to learn to do just the opposite, feel the fear and do it anyway.
4. Be a leader not a follower
At 15 I tried very hard to be like my friends and “fit in”. Now I spend my time being as unique and left of center as I can, I have a lot of wasted time to make up.
3. Sometimes Less Is More
I am not ashamed to say I was a product of the big 80’s hair phenomenon . The higher I could get my hair with my Aquanet hairspray the more popular I could be. Needless to say I now opt to wear a more sleek simple style.
2. Boys Are Not the Answer to Your Prayers
I wanted boys to like me and would sometimes measure my worth by that. I wish I would have known that the most important relationship you have is with yourself. If you truly love yourself all us will fall into place.
1. Having Divorced Parent’s Does Not Mean You Need Therapy
When I was a teenager trying to find myself some people would tell me I should go to therapy to cope with my parent’s divorce A few years earlier. I felt like a freak but it wasn’t because my folks split.