Thanksgiving is a time for food, family, and awkward, awkward situations. More often than not, these are a result of some very inappropriate questions from family members.
The worst part is that many Thanksgiving questions seem somewhat innocent on the surface. Here’s a look at 10 awkward questions to expect this Turkey day and how to dodge them.
1. “What is it that you do, exactly?”
If you’re between jobs or if you’re not ready to brag about the cappuccino that you made someone the other day, you may not be ready for a long where-are-you-headed career discussion.
Dodging It: “That’s classified. All I can tell you is that if Fidel Castro knew that I was here, we’d have to light the cranberry sauce on fire and hurl our children out the windows.”
2. “What happened to that nice girl/boy you used to be with?”
Grandparents ask this one. They don’t like change, and they don’t understand why you broke up with that person that they liked. It can be especially awkward if your new girlfriend or boyfriend is three feet to your left.
Dodging It:“He wasn’t good looking enough. I upgraded.”
3. “Who’d you vote for?”
Everyone has a cranky uncle who wants to let everyone know why the should have/shouldn’t have voted for a Tea Party candidate or something, and if there’s one subject that isn’t designed for a group of relatives, it’s politics.
Dodging It: “I voted for the turkey, but it lost. AND OH GOD, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO IT.”
4. “Want to see a trick I learned?”
Kids will ask you this. It’s a trap. If you say yes, they’ll do something gross or wildly inappropriate for a Thanksgiving dinner, sort of like Belushi in Animal House. This can be especially embarrassing if it’s your kid, so it’s best to diffuse the little bomb.
Dodging It: “In a few minutes.” Repeat until the kid forgets or he bangs his head on something (or both).
5. “Why don’t you call me anymore?”
This sad question comes from all types of relatives, and if you’ve brought a significant other to Thanksgiving it’ll instantly make you look like a jerk. How dare you not call your mother. She gave birth to you.
Dodging It: “I bought a new phone, and I forgot to transfer your number over while I was writing you a detailed letter about how much I care for you. You should get it in a few days.”
6. “Where did you meet (boyfriend/girlfriend’s name)?”
Not a particularly embarrassing question unless you met your significant other in a strip club or a bar. Agree on a cover story before you get there.
Dodging It: “We were both teaching the same Bible study class to blind orphans.”
7. “Have you gained weight?”
Sometimes, older relatives can be really upfront. This question gets asked a few times per Thanksgiving around my house.
Dodging It:“Not yet.” (Then, grab your plate and go back for seconds)
8. “Do you want to say grace?”
They might as well ask you if you want to give a speech. Thanksgiving grace is the most serious grace of all, even if you aren’t religious.
Dodging It: “(the name of the oldest person there) should do it. He/she’s best at it.”
9. “What are you thankful for?”
This is kind of related to the grace thing. Tread lightly.
Dodging It:“My family!”” It’s lame, but it works.
10. “Can you put up (name of relative) at your place?”
If you live anywhere near the place where your family’s having Thanksgiving, you might get asked this. Sometimes, you just can’t put up with a smelly uncle on your couch–not after a full day of eating and feeling uncomfortable, that is.
Dodging It:“I would, but I’m bombing for bedbugs. Speaking of which, I have to get back to the house. I left my cat in there.”
Know of any awful Thanksgiving questions? Post them below.