Current blogs have broached the very real possibility that companies hiring in today’s market are only interested in people that are currently employed. This obviously needs to change if the long term unemployed are to find positions. I have considered proposing a system to change this mind-set where the unemployed and employed would rotate through the employed people’s positions while they were on vacation, medical leave, or heck, just plain mandate that everybody has to work and everybody has to spend some time unemployed until this mess gets fixed! Share the wealth I say. Just haven’t worked out the details yet.
So instead I have decided to start up a new business; offering unemployment to the employed so the unemployed will have jobs available for them (can you get your arms around that one?). It would go something like this:
HELP WANTED – ONLY THE EMPLOYED NEED APPLY
You too can obtain an exciting position in the unemployment field today! We have millions of openings available and offer lucrative salary and benefit packages depending on your state of residence. Yes, you too can enjoy the pleasures of being unemployed including:
Paid time off
Extensive benefit packages offered to you through state sponsored social services departments and charitable organizations
New life experiences opportunities
An exciting new work environment
Dramatically reduced commute times
Company sponsored weight loss program
Tired of your old 8 to 5? Tired of all those crazy bosses? Yes, you too can enjoy the pleasures of earning vast sums of money while searching for a new job. Just up and quit your current job, get that last paycheck, and come join us in the ever changing world of the unemployed. Qualifications for this thrilling position include:
A willingness to take a 40-90% pay cut depending on your current hourly rate or salary
A desire to live without traditional medical, dental, short term disability, life, and other forms of insurance
The ability to apply for a minimum of at least 3 jobs a week
Willingness to accept rejection, or not get frustrated when you receive no response whatsoever
You MUST be proficient in getting into fights at home as the stress and pressure of losing everything destroys your personal relationships
If you quit your job today, you must be capable of waiting long periods of time for initial payment.
A desire to have lapses in income if you do your job too well and the government fails to legislate unemployment extensions
Children are optional, but highly recommended to get the full rewards of this exhilarating position
Those of us that are currently unemployed are excited about the possibility of YOU joining us in the ranks of the unemployed. We may personally try to fill your old position, but hey, you didn’t want that old tiresome job anyway, right?
A bright future awaits you in the unemployment field with hundreds of other of pluses such as loss of all pride, humiliation, a huge sense of anger and bitterness on occasion, fear (a personal favorite), lack of purchasing power, loss of all savings and investments, and the very distinct possibility that you too could wind up homeless, indigent, and alone! What are you waiting for? This offer expires 26 weeks after you decide to accept our offer, so don’t delay, call us today. Just like your local unemployment office, we have operators standing by to not take your call. As a special bonus, if you are among the first ten callers, we will provide a copy of our very special book “How to Lose Friends and Not Influence People.” Hurry, supplies are limited!! All applicants will be cheerfully accepted.
We are an equal opportunity employer