You hang out with her every once in a while. Her name is Katie (or Sarah, or Laura, or whatever), and she is amazing. She’s got a body that would make Angelina Jolie cut herself with jealousy, with eyes so big they look like white cannonballs and a personality so amazing you almost forget how sexy she is. You don’t, of course, but you almost do. Man, she’s great.
Unfortunately, she’s got a boyfriend, and worse still, her boyfriend is a tool. Every shirt he owns is either Ed Hardy or Affliction, and the only thing he loves more than his biceps is the steroids he used to make them. He’s a guy that couldn’t spell “overcompensating” if he had it tattooed on his wrist. A guy that probably puts “lol” at the end of every Facebook status update, even when he’s telling everyone his grandma died. He’s the worst kind of people.
You know you’re better than him. You’re not terribly ugly and you don’t smell like cheese. That’s a plus. You’re also educated and while you may not be that rich, money isn’t everything right? Also, perhaps most importantly, you’re a nice guy, and being a nice guy is most important.
Not a Chance, Champ
No one cares that you’re a nice guy. No one. No, that’s not true. There are maybe like three or so people care how nice you are:
• Your mom.
• Anyone that wants to borrow money from you.
• Katie’s (or Sarah’s, or Laura’s, or whatever’s) boyfriend.
That’s it. No one else cares. Being nice will get you a lot of things in life, like pity and minimal amounts of respect and maybe even a cookie or two. It won’t win over the girl you like.
Many nice single guys think it’s because women are broken. They think that women are just attracted to bad people because they are a damaged/weird gender. But that’s not it at all. Women aren’t attracted to overly nice guys, because overly nice guys don’t represent what they are looking for. Here are three reasons it’s time to get over the idea that being nice means being better.
1. Being the Opposite Gender
Women are looking for someone that isn’t them. Chances are the girl you like is one of the nicest people you have ever met. She’s not going to be attracted to someone that reminds her of herself. She is going to be attracted to a dude that spits in public and cares more about the gym than he does taking his girl out to the romantic evening. She’s going to be attracted to someone that is not exactly like her.
2. Making Her Feel Better Than You
Being nice is cool. Really. It makes you a great person to talk to and your mom probably thinks you’re totally awesome. She couldn’t be more proud. But when you want to get a girlfriend, you need to remember that girls want to be with someone better than they are – not someone worse than them.
When you sit there, ogling her, telling her how beautiful she is and giving her whatever she wants, it makes you look like a guy that isn’t good enough. It makes you look like a guy that NEEDS to shower her with niceness and compliments, because that’s all you have. By being that nice, you make her feel like you have to be, because she’s better than you.
When you stop being nice, you make it look like she might not be good enough, and she will start to find herself wondering why you think so highly of herself. Over time, she’ll start to realize that you may have something – something she wants. Something she has to work to get.
3. Qualities in a Man
Women and men are wired differently. They are genetically oriented to be attracted to different things. Men are attracted to physically attractive women that act like they can take care of them. Women are attracted to men that have the qualities of a pack leader. Women want a guy that:
• Commands respect.
• Shows leadership.
• Succeeds independently.
Being nice never commands respect. Being nice is barely a facet of leadership. Being nice does not imply you have any ability to live independently. Instead, being nice makes you look like a follower that needs to ask permission to tell someone what to do. Someone that starts a sentence with “Excuse me, can I please…”
The girl doesn’t want to be the man in the relationship. Maybe you are a take charge, independent kind of guy, but being overly nice to the girl you like doesn’t tell her that. It tells her you care too much about what she wants, and would jump off a bridge if she asks you to.
You’ve Got a Chance
If you want any shot at winning over the girl of your dreams, you need to adjust your attitude. Being a nice guy doesn’t make you better than Mr. Arrogant Steroids. It makes you weaker and less attractive. You can worry about how nice you are when you actually get a girlfriend. Until then, being a nice guy isn’t winning Katie or Sarah or Laura or whoever. It’s only going to get you pity and loneliness