A few years ago, I was feeling really overwhelmed and stifled. I felt almost hopeless and really stuck in my emotional limitations at that time. In a random act of reaching for some light at the end of the tunnel, I decided to try to do an automatic writing. I had heard of the concept before, where you just start writing and you don’t worry about what it says or edit it in anyway. You just sort of take a leap of faith that a message will present itself for you in the end.
I was astounded by what I read when I was finished and to this day, I find great solace and inspiration in what I wrote. I am not sure whether it came from my subconscious, my higher self or from God, but that isn’t what is important. The messages that came through for me are what is important. I hope you may find some insight in the words, as well.
Pull emotionally closer to my reality, reign in wasted expenditures of energy. Think in terms of worth/tradeoff value/value/benefits/liabilities of all actions/pursuits/time spent. Stop thinking about what other people would think of my lifestyle, state of house appearance. STOP JUDGING MYSELF BY OTHER PEOPLE’S EYES!
Accept my truth, my reality – as good and right for me. Don’t be afraid to admit what it is I want – even to myself. Come up with a new master plan, change the way I spend my time, not just my free time, but my whole day. I am in charge of how I feel, how I act, what I do, what I care about. ME – no one else. I don’t have to answer to anyone else. I don’t have to justify being worthy of my life or anything that I have – there does not need to be a justification to feel entitled – it is mind. All of it. This is my home, my family, life, choice. It is mine already, I don’t need to defend or apologize.
Acceptance in many, many ways on deeper levels. What do I want? I can’t be so fragmented. I can’t accomplish everything at once, I’m not enjoying any of it. STOP. Take time off. If I can’t leave or be alone, simply STOP. Refocus, regroup, recharge, reorganize, change my plan. Create a new plan or pattern, decide on priority of tasks/projects, then create a schedule for yourself and your children.
You need to be working toward something, something tangible and worthwhile. Not just working hard to only stay the same and spin my wheels to no avail. Must let go of anything holding me back. Allow my truth to come forward, come to the surface, present itself, be acknowledged and integrated, in a new, different way.
There is power in change, these changes will bring power. Teach your children about hard work, dedication, living your own way, live your life, while you work and reach ahead. Must be simultaneous, not one more important than the other. Strive for balance, a schedule/routine, established plan. What is best for me and my children? And my husband, too? Love, write – must write. Don’t wait, now is the time. Now, soon, change!