As a child, I didn’t have many friends. I hid in corners and was scared to death of the other kids. When I would come out of my little corners the other kids would pick on me for wearing outdated clothes or just because I was different in my speech patterns. My views were even different then theirs. I couldn’t win for loosing. I tried being the class clown but couldn’t even get that right. I felt out of place and lost.
My teenage years weren’t much different. There were fewer places to hide, so I stuck out like a sore thumb. I hated life as a child, but my family had a strong resolve. The one thing my mom would say that always helped even though she didn’t say it to me was “never give up, never say die”. It was hers and my dad’s gung-ho attitude that kept me going, which kept me alive.
I was forced to marry a man I wasn’t in love with. My mom had ruined me towards men. All I wanted was to get pregnant and run like a bat out of heck. Mom said men were evil, and this man sure seemed to prove it. I ended up in the hospital multiple times. The records say that I fell down the stairs, because that is what I told them. Truth be told, that man was no angel from heaven and as far as I’m concerned, still isn’t. I was married to him for six years. I joined the military for a short period and was released on a chapter 2 after 3 months of basic training from depression. Five months later, he hit me again, and this time I had him arrested. He only smacked me this time, but I wasn’t going to let it go any further than that ever again. I had had enough. A year later I had finalized my divorce.
My son was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, ADHD, and ADD. A little, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s, ADHD, and frontal lobe epilepsy. It sure explained the hell I went through as a child, and why everyone treated me as if I was different. I was different. Then I find out I’m transgendered. I have the body of a female, but the chemistry of a man, which explains my interest in women. Mom had a hand in it, I’m certain with her poisonous tongue against them, but still, I remember back when I was a young female before mother started spewing her poisonous venomous hate and fearish lies about the male species. I was interested in women far more than I was men. I remember wanting to kiss a few just to see how it would feel as a teen. Once I did get to kiss one, well, I was an adult and out of my mother’s vial reach and away from her supposed laws and rules.
Let us get one thing straight. I love my mother, but she is a vial evil spider from hell, which will suck your soul dry if you get to close. But still, she is my mother, and I must love her, because she is a creature created by the Divine. May it which created all things have mercy on her, heal her mind, restore her soul, and give her another chance on this earth if what she has done and said on this earth was to much to be cleansed for her to move forward to her next life.
To move forward though…. The kiss…it was heaven. I loved every second of it. I had fell in love with this woman prior to my marriage to the creature that I had hurt, beat and mentally tortured me for six years straight. The very man who managed to get my kids in court although the judge himself said that there wasn’t any proof that the kids were in any danger as my ex-husband had tried to propose was. The judge instead learned that I hadn’t gone to one of the scheduled appointments that were written down, that I must have missed it, even after I said that it had been rescheduled. It had been brought to his attention that I had Asperger’s, ADHD, and about the pitmal/pitman seizures.
Pitmal/pitman seizures are not like the seizures you see on TV. They are small and often go unnoticed because people expect to see these grand huge body jerking motions when someone is having a seizure. Believe it or not, a person who is having a pitmal/pitman seizure may not even know they are having one. The brain is misfiring. A warm tingling sensation sweeps over the head. Sometimes it feels as if little sparks of electricity going off on one side or the other of the brain and then it feels cold as ice as the currents slow down or ease up. During some of those events the volume on my hearing goes real low or completely out, and everything will completely white or black. These are what pitman/pitmal seizures are like for me. They are triggered by intense emotions and intense periods of stress, so I avoid stress and intense emotions like the plague. I had noticed these seizures as a child, but my father told me that these sensations were normal that he went through them all the time. They are not normal. They are dangerous and can be deadly. Seizures can trigger strokes, and a stroke means death.
I have to admit…I’m not completely and exclusively into girls. I like men who will submit to my whims and to my will, but I prefer a woman. From the few men other than my ex that I have had in my life, I have learned that not all men are evil…that is including the non-submissive ones, but still I prefer mine strong, intelligent, but submissive to my will and needs. I am a very strong willed woman and don’t like it men who want me to submit to their will and needs. However, I love to pamper, cook for, and serve my man. This however doesn’t make me submissive, because I only do these things for him if he is serving my needs the way I want, otherwise, he can kiss my hind-quarters. That is probably the Asperger’s. From what I have read, Asperger’s people have a tendency to be dominating, unyielding, compulsive, clumsy, un-coordinated in movements, have a lack of emotional empathy, and have difficulty in reading social cues. They have a tendency to be naïve, be a bit inappropriate, or have one-sided social interactions.
The positive side to the story is that people with Asperger’s are considered trustworthy and reliable, free of prejudice, high integrity, intelligent and talented, have great endurance when engaged in activities we like. Heck, I have had some amazing endurance in things I don’t like, but eventually like anyone who doesn’t like something I will tell you “enough is enough is enough already”, but I’ll still outlast the people who don’t have Asperger’s. Our preference is things that do not have any social demands.
For more info on Aspies you should check:
Positive Traits of Asperger’s Syndrome
Asperger syndrome Fact Sheet
Asperger syndrome: A Brief Summary
Asperger treatment (Non Drug)
For more into on pitmal/pitman seizures you should check:
Simple Partial Seizures