This holiday beware of Wrap Rage.
Yes it is a real condition and we have all experienced it. Buy something at any store and then try to unwrap it. For example, I brought a new charger for my phone. It was made in China and obviously wrapped by a person or machine who hated me and wanted me to suffer. In fact some Chinese worker is going to bed giggling every night thinking about the pain he inflicted upon me.
But I can’t really blame the worker – he or she was just doing their job. If there are evil people in the world, they are package designers who make packages and containers airtight, puncture resistance, bullet proof – in short impossible to open, with anything less than a jack hammer and a lot of determination accompanied by cussing.
Anyway – back to the new phone charger in the package from HELL. I pulled and tore and tried to open the package with my teeth, then did what I always do. Whipped out my pocket knife, took out the biggest blade and stabbed that package, then ripped it down the middle. I didn’t give a damn if I hurt the charger inside. I was so annoyed that the package would not open. I suspect that even Superman would have needed a knife to open it.
Wrap Rage. It is why I hate flying. Because you cannot carry a knife and you know when you land, you will buy something, somewhere that is wrapped in that invincible, unopenable plastic they have perfected in a secret factory hidden deep with the recesses of the Chinese mountains. And because you do not have a knife to split that package’s throat, I mean to open that package, you are reduced to jabbing at the package with a pen and finally open it, oh within two or three hours.
It is good to know that I am not alone in being defeated by packages that you need a small nuclear bomb to open.
I did not make the term Wrap Rage up. It is an actual term and , according to the Census Bureau data people suffer twice the injuries from packaging than injuries from skateboards or swimming pools.
Further proof that there is Wrap Rage and it will be knocking on your door this holiday season is reinforced by the American Dialect Society. According to the American Dialect Society, wrap rage is defined as anger brought on by the frustration of trying to open a factory-sealed purchase. The organization recognized the term in 2007 as one of the “most useful.”
And journalists worldwide, well at least in Pittsburgh. which is a world unto itself, have recognized the condition of Warp Rage. A March 2006 story in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette quoted Todd Marks, a senior editor at Consumer Reports, as saying, “Today’s packages force consumers to fight tooth and nail to get at what’s inside.”
Further proof that Wrap Rage is ruining our holidays is shown in the results of a recent poll.
“According to a poll of Pennsylvania adults, about 17 percent of Pennsylvanians experienced an injury or knows someone who was injured while opening gifts during past seasons.
“The Patient Poll, a survey of Pennsylvania adults (21 y.o. and older) conducted by the Institute for Good Medicine at the Pennsylvania Medical Society in July 2009, asked participants “Have you or someone you know ever been injured (such as receiving a cut that required medical attention) while opening the packaging (not gift wrap) of a holiday or birthday gift?”
“Its findings …
Yes, one time = 6.3% Yes, more than once = 11.0% …
All I can say. Wrap Rage is on the loose, so buckle up and be prepared for one rough Holiday season.