Even before he merged with Angelina to create the synergy known as Brangelina, Brad Pitt was a pretty popular guy. Females swooned over him, and magazines such as People bestowed titles like “Sexiest Man Alive” on him more than once. Now, Brad dear, don’t take what I am about to say the wrong way. While I admire the humanitarian work you do; think you’re a fine actor; and thought you were a hunk in Thelma and Louise, I wouldn’t rank you in my top 10 sexiest male celebrities. Sorry, but you’re a big boy, and I know you can take hearing that. Not that it is likely you will ever hear it. After all, I’m sure you are quite busy– between the kids and movie making and single-handedly rebuilding entire cities– to pay any mind to what little ol’ me has to say. But I feel the need to say it for two reasons:
1. To assist other females in turning their attention elsewhere when searching for some new eye candy to enjoy.
2. To restore the balance to the entity of “Brangelina,” after Joan Collins disrupted it by claiming that Angie was the most beautiful woman in Hollywood. You and Ange can’t both be the most beautiful. It just wouldn’t be fair. Since Ms. Collins’ opinion is gospel, it is out with you, Brad! I might have allowed you to keep your title if you were still with Jennifer Aniston. Not because that would make you more likable, but because Jen is only “cute.” “Sexy + Cute” is better balanced than “Sexy + Sexy.”
Now ladies, back to point number one. I would like to suggest some other good looking guys for you to keep your eye on. Some may be under the radar, but don’t discount them until you’ve taken a look.
1. Tom Welling. You know (or maybe you don’t know) him as Clark Kent on tv’s long-running hit “Smallvile.” With the show in its last season, I am hoping Tom will be freed up to do some other projects.
2. James Franco. I don’t know what this on-again, off-again relationship with “General Hospital” is all about, but I do know that this fellow is fine to look at.
3. Skeet Ulrich. I’m not sure what the “Law and Order” makeup department is trying to do with his hair, but he is still a looker, even if not as rugged a looker as he was on “Jericho.”
4. Gilles Marini. If foreign accents, the willingness to do nude scenes, and the ability to dance appeal to you, then Gilles is the man for you. If you catch him in a love scene on “Brothers and Sisters,” just pretend it’s you that he’s whispering sweet nothings to in French.
5. Dule’ Hill. There’s just something about the way this cool cat struts. And he’s not a bad tap dancer, either. Catch him and his not-too-shabby-either costar James Roday, on “Psych.”
Don’t be too upset, Brad. Even Johnny Depp will have to take a backseat when he finally stops looking 29.
