When writing articles about subjects like this, its always personal experience that inspires you to get down on paper what you may find frustrating in the real world. So here it is, in a nutshell.
Your ex is obviously going to start dating again sooner or later, and if it was with someone that you didn’t know, I believe that would not be a huge issue that required enormous amounts of alcohol to get you through – Right? We all have to get over it and move on, but what if your ex has decided to take up with your friend?
If a friend started dating your ex, can that friend still be a friend?
Having a friend dating my ex makes it easy for you see which side of the fence I’m sitting on. If a friend started to date your ex, how comfortable can you honestly say you be about it?
After all, said ‘Friend’ knows about all the ins and outs of your past love, all the highs and lows, and has had many a conversation with you about not moving on 100% and still thinking that was that glimmer of hope there that you may have gotten back together. Seriously – can said friend start dating your ex with out any complications? Is it possible to hang out together when you know that your friend is dating someone you haven’t gotten entirely over yet?
The ‘friend’ may think so, but by all accounts that friend may be very wrong.
Imagine that you are out with your group of friends and your ex comes along to pick up his new love – your ‘friend’. If you are able to avoid lunging across the table and scratching her eyes out, then you are doing well. Emotions will be running high and feelings will be very raw.
Said friend should have avoided any social activity where you are likely to be incase of the ‘scratching eyes incident’ and off course to keep your feelings in tact. However, said friend may not realize the severity of the emotions that you are going through or could just be plain evil.
To put it mildly, if you are going through this process, you are going to need some help from your friends that consider it a cardinal sin to date your ex:
Find out what a good friend thinks of the situation. Once you have done that, then figure out how you really feel about it yourself. Does it spark anger every time you hear their names mentioned, do you feel the need to hire a hit man to do said friend over, is the thought of them together so repulsive that you feel physically sick every time you think about the situation? If so, you are in for a rocky ride.
You need to decide if you want to keep this ‘friend’ as a friend or not. Sounds silly really, but after all said and done, has this ‘friend’ been a good one? If yes – you need to figure out if you can cope with seeing them together constantly. You will really have to do some soul searching on that one. Weigh up the pros and cons of keeping that ‘friend’ in your life.
Whatever you decide, you also do need to get out all you’re pent up frustrations. It should be said ‘Friend’ that instigates meeting up and having chat about this awkward situation. However if said friend bottles out, then its going to be down to you to initiate the chat. At the end of the day, the talk needs to happen as you need convey your feelings. Said friend will already have a good inclination to how you are feeling (if not then said friend is a looser). Make sure you are conveying your feelings with honesty and once again, do try to refrain from scratching her eyes out.
Get a good support system. This is where you need to rely on your group of pals for information about the ‘happy couple’. Instead of being the last to know what’s going on, it’s best if you tell your friends that you need to be the first. You certainly don’t want to bump into them without having any prior warning, in fact the best bet is to avoid areas that they are likely to be altogether. Even though this should be down to them to do the avoiding, certain people lack understanding, so it may be a task for you to take on.
Make sure your friends are in the know of where they are likely to be so you know where to avoid. But on the other side of this, why should you be the one to vacate your regular hang outs when it is your ‘friend’ and ex that should be keeping well out of the way? Once again, your good friends can be called upon to convey this message in a nice way, as clearly nice wont be in your nature when dealing with this foul as foul can be situation. Make sure that you are not the person to be conveying these thoughts as you will be looked at as the ‘bitter ex’. Even if you are slightly bitter, they don’t deserve to be the ones to say it out loud.
If venturing into ‘forbidden’ territory, always make sure that you are looking good. Yes I know it’s a cliché, but who cares? If it makes you feel good to look good – do it! There is nothing worse than bumping into your ex and ‘friend’ when inside you feel you look like crap. Take time to brush your hair and apply a little lip gloss. Take time to choose an outfit. It will be worth it.
If you are unfortunate enough to bump into them, do not feign happiness to see them when you are clearly not one little bit. You don’t need to wish them well or congratulate them. Why put yourself through the nightmare? You also do not need to be point blank rude (if you can help it).
Get yourself a back up plan – be ready to make polite conversation with a pre planned opening. Don’t go down the road of proclaiming just how much sex you’re having or how many men are coming onto you (unless you are and they are). They will see right through this and will start to pity you. That off course is the last thing that you want to happen (you don’t need anyone’s pity, all you need is a bottle of Vodka).
Now after the inevitable has happened and you have had to actually speak to them, the first part of the awkwardness is now over – Well done you for not scratching this girls eyes out! To celebrate your success at remaining proud, as well as patting yourself on the back get yourself out on the town and with some real friends and really rejoice with passion and cocktails! This is a real victory for you, so treat it as one.
Seeing a ‘friend’ with your ex is one of the hardest things that any Woman will ever have to do, so when I talk about celebrating, it’s something that you need to do. Show the world that you are a proud strong independent woman that refrained from resorting to murder (a hard task if I do say so myself).
And you never know, fate may have been playing a part in this all along as you may even find Mr.Right whilst celebrating! Stranger things have happened.
Life and Love have there ups and downs and friends are the ones that we should be able to rely on. Everyone values friendships in different ways, so someone that you thought you could trust, may not have the same feelings for you.
Plenty more fish in the sea means nothing to some eh?
Louise Bell ‘Can a friend ever really date your Ex?’ Associated Content