Today’s message reminds me that in Jesus, I see the Father. “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father”, Jesus said. It does suffice-because in HIm we see all the love, grace, mercy, kindness and goodness of the Father. And all that love is more than enough! His grace is sufficient for all our needs-all of them.
This message has special a special significance to me. In Jesus, every generation is blessed. Everything the Father has He gave to Jesus; it’s in Jesus. When I read this message, I began to think about generational curses. Today is the 24th anniversary of my stepfather’s death. This was the man who molested me as a child, beat me with belts, and beat and horribly abused my brother. I wasn’t the only girl in the family that was molested by him either. For years, I carried so much pain and anger inside. I was filled with sheer hatred and had nothing but complete loathing for him.
As my relationship with the Lord grew, and as my wounds were healed, something happened. I began to see my dad’s wounds. As I began to see his wounds, the monster that he was in my heart, began to look more human. In fact, I began to see myself in him-I mean the wounded child. I had been beating and crucifying that monster for so long; even long after my dad’s death. Somewhere in that process, forgiveness and release happened-for my dad and for me. I was also able to see the father in my dad. That father provided for us, he sacrificed and went without so many things so that we would have, not only things that we needed, but things we wanted too. That father in my dad would get up in the middle of the night to come and rescue us, no matter where we were or what the cause. I began to be able to embrace the good I had in my dad and let the monster die. I could finally release me too. See, all the years of rage and hatred were really about, not, “You betrayed me Dad.” They were really about “Why?” What’s wrong with me that would make you cause me such harm? Why did you have to beat me? Why, why, why? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?!
The flipside of this is that for a long time when people saw me, they were seeing my mother. She was an alcoholic and also very abusive toward me when I was young. I was filled with just as much bitterness and anger as she had been. The same questions were there. “Why?” What’s wrong with me? Why can’t you love me? What’s wrong with me? Generational curses work that way. We repeat patterns, often unwittingly. Our present generations are the first to really be able to even talk about the atrocities committed in the name of parenting. Our present generations can affect the changes needed to end it all. Those changes begin in Jesus. We don’t have to remain wounded children anymore.
In Jesus and the Father, I have the most wonderful father of all. I have the world’s best daddy, in fact. In Jesus I found all the love, the affirmation and security I couldn’t get from my parents. Through Him, I began to see the love, affirmation and security that my children were not finding in me. As healing and renewal took place inside the wounded little girl, I was able to become a better mother to my children. Because of Jesus, my children no longer have to see my mother in me, but they can see a loving mother, the right kind of mother in me. II wrote a little song once called “It’s Just My Jesus Showing.” When my children look at me,-most times anyway-they can see The Father in me. It is my Jesus showing. Because of Jesus, my grandchildren won’t have to see that angry and wounded mother and father in their moms and dads. I have some very fond memories of my parents too. I can embrace them and even the bad memories now. I understand; I can see now the wounded children in both of them.
My dad would have been seventy three years old this year; in fact his birthday is five days from today; September 26th. In spite of all the pain he caused me there were things about him that I admire. He was one of the most patient people I’ve ever known. He stayed with us; he didn’t abandon us. I was never hungry, always had a roof over my head, and ironically, he would have killed any man who abused me. That was the father in my dad.