They call it wanking, spanking the monkey, beating the bishop, choking the chicken and the five knuckle shuffle. The young Christine O’Donnell — the winner of the 2008 and 2010 Republican Party nominations for the U.S. Senate — just called it wrong back in the mid-1990s, when she was a moral crusader.
Rachel Maddows of MSNBC dug up an old MTV tape featuring a foxy young Christine O’Donnell damning onanism as the devil’s mischief. (“And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.” Genesis 38:9)
Then branding herself as a spokesperson for the Savior’s Alliance for Lifting the Truth (SALT), a group advocating chastity, O’Donnell claimed that playing with one’s self was a violation of Biblical precepts concerning the exigencies of love.
Jocelyn Elders — Bill “A Woman is Only a Woman/But a Good Cigar is a Smoke” Clinton’s first Surgeon General of the United States — had advocated masturbation at a 1994 U.N.-sponsored AIDS conference s a way for kids to avoid getting sexually transmitted diseases. Bubba, who liked to ride bareback himself, unceremoniously s#!t-canned Elders. Yet, the discussions of the utility of pleasuring one’s self continued.*
Young Christine O’Donnell would have none of it. God gave kids sexually desire, but that desire was only to be gratified within the realm of marriage. If her potential husband engaged in masturbation, “Why would he need me?” she asked the MTV cameras.
That gal had a lot to learn about life and love!
*It became a political football before Bubba’s biggest bimbo eruption gave the nation something fresher to chortle about.