There are those people that try to tell you Christmas is not about the gifts or the money, it is about spending time with family, being thankful and all that. Yeah, I know those people and the really do give the worst presents. Don’t get me wrong, I would love for it to be that way. I used to hear people say “Christmas is for the kids” and wonder what they meant. Now I know what they meant but I am still shocked that I didn’t notice the resentment in their voice then.
I can remember looking forward to it all year, making countless list of things I wanted, waiting what seemed like forever, not being able to sleep because I was so excited to play with all the things I knew I was getting and to find out what else I was getting. Yep, those were the days. As I got older it slowly began to lose some of its appeal. It was a slow process though, not all at once. First came the job of cleaning the house for company, later cooking was added to the list of things to do, and baking. There were still presents though and, because I was technically still a kid I didn’t really have to get anyone anything. Something was different though,my presents weren’t as much fun as they used to be. They became things I actually needed and it really didn’t seem like it was worth all that cooking and cleaning.
Once I grew up, moved out and got married I was sure I could get the fun part of Christmas back. Boy was I wrong. I really believe I could though, if given enough money, cause really, that is all it is about (well in my case its about lack of money). If I could afford to put up thousands of lights, three different trees, buy perfect expensive presents for everyone I knew and cook dinner for fifty people I would be all over it! Bring on the Christmas! But alas, I don’t have that kind of money and probably never will so Christmas is a pain.
I used to go willingly into deep debt trying to getting everyone just what they wanted (plus get myself what I wanted). I would plan for months,stress like crazy, cook, clean, shop,wrap, everything. In the end though it was never worth it. No one ever got me what I wanted for Christmas, the only good presents I got were from myself and I had been using them for weeks already. I know its not a nice thing to do but I couldn’t help thinking that I had put all this time and money into every ones present and they got me stuff that appeared to have fallen off the clearance table one too many times. I know I am a horrible person for saying that but I swear its true.
After that lesson, and some really huge credit card bills I decided I could be like everybody else. I would just get them small things that didn’t cost too much, after all, its the thought that counts right? We were all adults, they would understand. Turns out, not so much. I am not good at getting small meaningful presents. I like for my presents to be the best, the one everyone wants that is wrapped in perfect paper with a perfect bow. I know nothing is perfect and I am the first to admit I have a problem. You see I am really very self conscious ind insecure about myself. I always feel like I am being judged and I am not that comfortable around a lot of people (no wonder I hate Christmas). But that’s a whole other set of problems that could require some medication. Lets just say that the one year you decide to save money on presents is the year everyone else got a raise and you end up feeling like crap. For the last few years I have been on a campaign to do away with adult presents altogether and save the heartache but so far no luck and Christmas is the same as ever…Expensive!