It’s foolish and cruel to say that people ‘bring pain on themselves’. We aren’t given the ability to foretell the future, so there is no way to know what direction any given situation will take. However, we don’t have to volunteer to be a victim. What does volunteer to be a victim mean? To volunteer to be the victim means to allow ones self to be continually hurt and take no measures toward self-care.
The operative word in the phrase ‘volunteer to be a victim’ is ‘volunteer’. What does a volunteer do? He offers himself for use. He yields his services for use in a cause. Volunteering to help where help is needed and appreciated is great. Volunteering to be victimized is not. A volunteer victim is more like a sacrificial lamb presented for slaughter. The victim volunteer offers himself up to appease some implacable deity, in this case another person.
You know how some people go around with a chip the size of Texas on their shoulder? Nothing happens to him by accident. Someone is at fault for his sufferings and someone, anyone is going to pay. These people should wear orange warning triangles that say ‘All stressed out and looking for someone to choke’. When this person, who we will now refer to as an abuser or victimizer, is on the warpath. You may think that if you just let the abuser vent, his anger will be assuaged. Perhaps you didn’t intent to volunteer yourself as the victim. Maybe you just wanted to placate, diffuse or circumvent the abuser’s anger so he doesn’t hurt someone else. Whatever the case, the abuser gets carte blanche to wreak any havoc, rant, rave and otherwise take advantage your giving nature.
But here’s the really bizarre and scary part; usually the victimizer does not vent and release his wrath. A victimizer only gets angrier as he hurls venom on you. Because you volunteered for victim, to take the brunt of the abuser’s wrath, you have become the object of the wrath. In his warped and unhealthy mind, the victimizer centers the weight of blame on any convenient target. And that would be you. Now instead of just being a loving friend who is willing to listen to the abuser vent his wrath, you are now the focal point of the abuser’s wrath. Is this your fault? No, but should you have known better? Possibly. Abusers leave hurt and suffering in their wake. If it has happened before, it will happen again. But you don’t have to volunteer to be the victim. You can stay out of the path of the storm. When the abuser is storming up to rain, you don’t have to stand there miserably getting dumped on. It’s your choice.