Although I don’t have twins, I do have twin sisters. To this day, even though they are grown now, the rivalry between the two of them is thick enough to cut through with a butter knife. It has always been this way between the two of them. Neither has ever been satisfied with anything if the other can’t have it too. Growing up with twins can be difficult, especially when they look alike and often times think alike as well. Here are some tips to deal with twin rivalry that I have learned over the years.
Buy Everything the Same
With my sisters, and from what I’ve heard from other people with twins- especially identical twins, if one of them gets something the other wants it. Not always because they like it but because they are jealous. This is why I have come to learn to buy both of them everything the same. Reiyen would get pink while Mykal would get purple. They had the same toys, clothes, shoes, everything, just in different colors. Whether they wore them the same time or now was not the point. If one of them had it the other had to too. This also made shopping easier because everything was always the same. If one of them expressed an interest in something you just had to purchase two. This had more to do with jealousy over one having something the other didn’t, but in either case, when it came to toys and things there is usually little individuality.
Pay Equal Attention to Both
I have noticed that with twins it always seems like one of the twins is more loveable and open than the other. Inevitably as a baby, this twin will almost always get more attention than the other because they are not a difficult baby. When the twins start to grow up, they generally stay this way personality wise, where one will be more open and receptive while the other will be more cynical and keep to themselves. Because of this, to quash feelings of resentment between the twins and to help your wallflower open up it is important to pay equal attention to both of the twins. Reihen was always the shy introverted one. When you got her alone and took her to do things she was a ball of fire because she was able to open up and be herself without the restriction of her sister always stealing her light.
This may be difficult as it is because twins are often a lot of like. However, if you do end up being one of parents that has a set of twins that always fight with each other and one that is happy-go-lucky while the other is a gloomy-gus, you may find yourself comparing the two, whether out loud or to yourself. Never tell your twins that you wish they were more like the other. This creates tension between the two because they feel that you love one more than the other. Remember they are individual people even if they do look alike.
These are two separate lives. Just because they are twins and they may look alike, dress alike and spend a lot of time together doesn’t mean that they have to be alike as well. One may be more artistic while the other likes sports. Ask them what they are interested in and encourage them to do those things. There is nothing worse for twins than for them to do things because you think they want to based off of the likes of the other.